


Major In Love

by andchaos



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Language, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-05-29 04:56:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6360238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andchaos/pseuds/andchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec just wants to get through college - pass his classes, hang out with his friends, and get along with his roommate, Magnus. Obviously, with Magnus around, he won't get off nearly that easy.</p><p>College roomie au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Wagon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than anything—more than he hoped his classes were easy and more than he hoped Izzy would be cool around Magnus tonight and more than he hoped for whatever he was supposed to be hoping to come out of tonight—he prayed that at some point during the semester he learned to say five words to Magnus without stuttering like a lunatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is....a cheesy romcom roommate au. i have no explanations or excuses. enjoy xoxox

           The tops of the buildings crested the hill before anything else. Then, as their car sped on, came the rest of them too, and along with them, the large black sign that marked the beginning of campus which simply read in large, stark letters: SHADOWHUNTERS UNIVERSITY.

          Alec glanced sideways and saw his sister exchanging wide grins with Jace in the rearview mirror, and she reached across the seat to squeeze Alec’s hand, bouncing a little in place.

          “Alright, relax back there,” Jace said. “It’s just college.”

          “Just our _first year_ ,” Izzy corrected him. “Honestly, Jace, you sound like Alec. Get excited!”

          “Hey,” said Alec, a little stung by the remark, but Izzy just rolled her eyes.

          “Oh shut up, you know it’s true,” she said, and Alec glanced over only to see the flash of Jace’s teeth as he smiled too.

          Alec tore his hand away from hers and crossed his arms instead, settling back in his seat.

          “Whatever.”

          Izzy shoved his shoulder though, and he reluctantly broke into another smile as they slowed down and passed the first few buildings. Jace reached into the back seat and made grabbing gestures at Alec.

          “Pass me the map,” he said. “Where are you living again?”

          “Uh…” Alec dug the campus map out of the pocket behind the passenger seat and twisted it around, trying to read it. Izzy leaned in over his shoulder to squint at it with him. “Some building called the Institute. Izzy?”

          “Ash Hall.”

          “Oh, I think that’s near Angelwood,” Jace said. “Alec, pass me the map.”

          Alec handed it over, and Jace pulled over to read it, nearly crashing into a street sign as he did. Alec and Izzy looked each other; Jace always insisted on driving, even though he was terrible at it. When he pulled back onto the road a few minutes later, he nearly hit three people trying to cross, and the girls all flipped off their car as they hurried by. Jace called a harried, “Sorry!” out the window and turned around to grimace at Alec and Izzy when they were gone.

          “My bad,” he said.

          “Yeah, it is your bad,” Izzy said mildly. “Okay, drop me off first so you can help me unpack.”

          “How the hell is that fair?” Alec protested.

          Izzy shrugged and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Jace?”

          “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, as he turned down a different street and started squinting out the window, reading the building signs as they passed them.

          Izzy ended up coming with them after they helped unload her things and signed her in, so she could help bring Jace and Alec’s bags up to their rooms as well. Alec’s room was empty when he went in, but the right half of the room was already set up; clearly, his roommate had been here already. And he had claimed a bed.

          They parked in the garage near Angelwood and helped Jace bring his bags up to his floor, clearing the car completely. When they were done, they were all sweating a little, and Alec had to tear his eyes away when Jace lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe his forehead clean. Izzy was watching him though, and he was glad a moment later when Jace cleared his throat and said, “Dinner?”

          They murmured their agreement.

          The dining halls were all crowded, flooded with students old and new as well as half the students’ parents and siblings. Alec had to elbow several people out of the way just to get to the line they were loitering in front of, and Izzy, whom they had sent to go scout for a table, was still roaming around empty-handed when Jace and Alec had filled their plates. They managed to snag one just as an older couple was getting up, and when Izzy returned with dinner in hand, she sagged with relief at the sight of them sitting.

          “Thank god,” she sighed, sliding into the chair next to Jace. “I was walking around forever, I didn’t think there would be one open.”

          “Alec practically tore the chairs out from under the old couple that was sitting here,” Jace snickered.

          Alec shot him a look. “At least I wasn’t as fake as you. ‘Oh, madame, _please_ , would you _possibly_ mind—’”

          “Alright, alright,” Jace said, while Izzy laughed.

          They dug into their food; Alec noticed that the others shared similar expressions of distaste at the first mouthful to his own, but he hadn’t had very high hopes for dining hall food. When she had swallowed, Izzy cleared her throat.

          “So,” she said, leaning forward a little, a small smile playing on her lips, “How does everyone feel about their new roommates?”

          “Mine’s weird,” said Jace, wrinkling his nose. “He barely looked up from his computer. And I think he was watching porn.”

          Alec laughed. “Oh, my god. Izzy? What about you?”

          “Well, not to make any rush judgments or anything, but she looked like she was all business. So _that_ should be fun. I’ll have to liven her up a little, but she was nice enough, I guess.”

          “Oh god, you’re going to turn her into another Izzy,” Alec said, rolling his eyes. Izzy kicked him under the table, hard, but he was laughing even as he groaned and clutched at the bruise.

          “I happen to be amazing,” she snapped. “Oh, what do you guys know?”

          “Alec wouldn’t know an amazing girl if she kicked him between the eyes,” Jace said. Alec froze and turned to stare at him with wide eyes. Beside him, Izzy was looking between the two of them similarly. Jace didn’t seem to notice anything off, because a second later he shoved a forkful of meatloaf in his mouth and said, “Alec? What about you?”

          “I, uhm…” He had lost the thread of their conversation and struggled to say something less suspicious than his incoherent stammering. “Oh, uh. I don’t know. H-he wasn’t there when I went in. All his stuff was there, though. Blacklight posters. Tons of jewelry. He seems…”

          “Extravagent?” Izzy supplied.

          “I was going to say over the top,” Alec said slowly.

          “Well, you won’t know until you meet him,” Jace said. “Who knows, maybe he’ll be cool.”

          “I’m sure we’ll be best friends,” Alec said scathingly.

          “Did his gems look real?” Izzy asked, tilting her head to the side. “Can you ask him if I can borrow some? I got invited to this party next weekend, and the theme—”

          “You got invited to a party _already_?” Jace asked.

          “No,” Izzy said, “I got invited to three parties. One’s tomorrow night, if you guys want to come.”

          “Sunday?” Alec said.

          “It’s just syllabus week,” said Izzy, spreading her hands. “I’m sure I can get you two in. It’s not a frat party or anything.”

          Jace shrugged. “I’m in.”

          Alec sighed. “Yeah, me too.”

          Izzy beamed. “Wear something dazzling.”

          “Got it,” said Jace. “Go naked and smile.”

          Izzy rolled her eyes. “You’re hilarious. I’m sure I have some accessory you can wear, so just dress in black. Alec, you too.”

          “We’ll see,” he said.

          After dinner they paused just outside the dining hall’s exit.

          “I’m gonna go back and unpack,” said Izzy. “Jace? Your building’s on the way if you’re going too.”

          “Yeah, I should,” he said. “Alec?”

          “I’m that way,” he said, pointing in the other direction. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

          “Want to meet up for breakfast?” Izzy asked, and they murmured their agreement. She smiled and grabbed Alec’s arm as she leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Okay. Text me when you meet the roomie, Alec! I want to hear all about him!”

          “I will,” he said.

          Jace wrapped him in a firm hug, and then they waved as they turned around and walked off together. Sighing heavily, Alec shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and set off towards his own dorm.

          He could hear music coming from his room as soon as he hit the right floor; it was pumping soft and hypnotic, and the door was propped slightly open. Alec pushed it open slowly, pressing his head inside first.

          “Hello?”

          A boy—his roommate, he assumed—was bent over a box by the head of his bed, but he jumped up at Alec’s voice. Alec froze, his next words caught in his throat as they stared at each other. The other boy looked just as lost as Alec felt. Then he straightened, blinked a few times, and said,

          “So. You must be the new roommate.”

          “Must be,” Alec repeated numbly.

          Belatedly, he realized that he was still standing mostly in the hallway, and he stepped inside the room, kicking the doorstop out of the way. The door shut with a thick clunk of finality, but it didn’t seem ominous.

          His roommate cleared his throat. He strode forward, brandishing his hand.

          “We weren’t properly introduced at orientation,” he said.

          “I…I didn’t go to orientation,” Alec said.

          That elicited a smile. “Well, you’re here now. I’m Magnus. Magnus Bane.”

          “Magnus Bane,” Alec said, finally reaching to shake his hand. His grip was tight and sure and the handshake was slow. “Alec Lightwood.”

          “Thrilled to make your acquaintance, Alec Lightwood.” Magnus smiled, and he squeezed his hand extra tightly for a second before letting go. “You’re a freshman too?”

          “Yeah, as fresh as they come.” Magnus chuckled, and Alec flushed faintly red. “Uh. You mind if I put up some posters?”

          He gestured vaguely at the wall above his bed. Magnus shrugged.

          “As long as you don’t mind if I play my music,” he said.

          Alec didn’t. What he did mind a little more, however, was the way Magnus reclined on his bed while Alec set to work unpacking and putting away his belongings, because he was thumbing through a book but Alec looked over and caught him watching him every now and again, and it always made him fumble what he was holding.

          He couldn’t get a read on him; when he wasn’t watching Alec unpack, he was either reading or texting furiously and laughing to himself. Worse, about twenty minutes in, he looked up and started asking questions.

          “So what’s your story, Alec?”

          Alec glanced over his shoulder. “My story?”

          “Yeah, you know…your story. What’s your family like?”

          “Grim,” Alec said automatically. “Uh, I mean…well, my twin sister Isabelle goes here with me now too. And we sort of adopted my best friend Jace, so that’s…And then I have a little brother too. Matthew. He’s sweet. Wants to be a soldier one day.”

          Possibly Magnus sensed the way he deliberately left out his complicated mess of a relationship with either parent, because he didn’t ask after them. Instead he forged on with seemingly unrelated curiosities.

          “So no one else special in your life?”

          “Huh?”

          “No girlfriend?”

          Alec snorted. It was automatic, instinctive; it wasn’t until he looked up in horror that he saw Magnus was smiling.

          “Boyfriend, then?”

          Alec blushed furiously. Fuck. He looked away from Magnus and busied himself folding clothes when he said, “No.”

          Magnus clucked his tongue. “Interesting.”

          “Uh…I guess.”

          Magnus asked a couple of other questions, mostly about his hometown and his friends, but a few about his interests, too. Alec wasn’t sure if he was grateful or disappointed when Magnus didn’t immediately follow up on his question about whether Alec preferred roses or chocolates on a date, instead lapsing back into silence. A couple of minutes later Magnus’s phone rang, and he fully relaxed with the knowledge that the conversation wouldn’t be picked up again anytime soon.

          Still, he couldn’t help overhearing at least Magnus’s half of the conversation. He didn’t even leave the room; he just paused his music and laid there, spread out on his blankets and acting like he didn’t care at all if Alec was there, someone he barely knew now privy to his private conversations.

          “Camille!” Alec swallowed thickly at the enthusiasm in Magnus’s voice. “What are you doing calling so late, darling? You should be on a plane to Ibiza right about now.”

          Alec breathed evenly and reorganized his collared shirts.

          “Hmm,” Magnus said from behind him. “No, I’m not sure I—okay, okay. True. But we always said—”

          He couldn’t make out what was being said on the other side of the line, but he could hear the indistinct sounds of a woman raising her voice crackling through the speaker.

          “You _know_ that’s not—”

          More yelling on Camille’s end. Alec glanced over his shoulder at Magnus, and caught his eye. Magnus grimaced, and Alec jutted his lower lip out in sympathy. Then, when Magnus broke into silent laughter in response, he hurriedly turned back to finish putting his clothes away.

          “Camille, please.” His voice sounded low and urgent. “I understand that you’re upset; I’m not exactly thrilled about long-distance either. But we both know that you’re working yourself up over nothing. Please, try to calm down. I’ll call you in the morning, alright?”

          His attempt at calming her must have worked, because Alec couldn’t hear her voice through the phone anymore. A minute later, Magnus said, “I love you too,” and then he sighed. Alec chanced turning around.

          “Trouble in paradise?”

          “More like the trouble is that _she’s_ in paradise and _I’m_ here,” said Magnus. “Camille is…she doesn’t enjoy the long-distance thing.”

          “Does anyone?”

          Now that he had cleared his suitcase of clothes and shoved it away under his bed, there was an open spot on his covers, and Alec squeezed onto it amidst his other boxes and bags. Magnus turned to lean his back against the wall as well so that they were facing one another, but he was toying with his phone and not really looking at Alec.

          “We never fight like this,” Magnus explained. “Actually, I can’t ever really remember us having a big blowout fight before. Sure, tiffs here and there, but that’s normal. But fighting?”

          “I fight with my friends and family all the time,” said Alec, shrugging. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

          Magnus sighed. “I hope not.”

          “Hey,” Alec said. “It _doesn’t_.”

          Magnus didn’t say anything. After a minute he looked up though, and hopped off his bed.

          “Want to walk down to the WOW thing with me? I think they’re playing introduction games.”

          “What’s a WOW thing?” Alec asked, even though he got off his bed too and followed Magnus out the door.

          Magnus locked the door and set off the down the hall. Unsure where they were going or why, Alec followed him without protest.

          “It means Week of Welcome,” Magnus explained. “Basically they have a bunch of bullshit activities or events for you to go to. Technically it’s mostly for freshmen, but anyone can go.”

          “And we’re going to that?” Alec felt slightly nauseated at the thought.

          Magnus grinned at him. It was wide and beautiful and made his whole face light up.

          “Unless you don’t want to,” he said. Alec shook his head. “Okay. Come on, we can go meet our RA and see how much of a tightass he is.”

          Alec laughed. “Do you plan on throwing a lot of parties in our room?”

          “I plan on hoarding an exorbitant amount of liquor in our room,” Magnus said. “You can have some if you want, anytime. Just ask.”

          “Shit, thanks,” said Alec, pleased when his surprised little answer drew out another smile.

          The study room downstairs was filled, so they assumed that’s where they were supposed to be going and headed inside. A few people were standing up front, wearing identical black shirts that had “SHADOWHUNTERS WOW COMMITTEE” printed on it in thick white block letters. Alec and Magnus shared a glance as they settled themselves by the wall in the back of the small gathered crowd. It was made up of other residents if their bored faces and pajamas were any indication.

          The speech that the RAs gave was boring, but then one of them, a girl who seemed to be the RA on the floor below him, clapped her hands together and announced that they were going to pair up and do an activity together. Again, he and Magnus looked at one another and shrugged a little. Alec leaned against the wall next to him and Magnus turned so that they were facing each other.

          “What are we doing?” Alec whispered as conversation started up around them. “I zoned out a little at the end there.”

          Magnus grinned. “A word association game of sorts. Tell me something about yourself and I’ll tell you a fact about myself that it reminds me of. Then we just go back and forth like that.”

          “Uh, okay…did you want to go first?”

          “Sure. Hmm, let’s see…Oh. I went to my first club when I was fifteen.”

          Alec thought it over for a moment, and then he said, “When I was twelve I wanted to open a nightclub and call it _The Academy_.”

          “The Academy?” Magnus snorted.

          Alec frowned. “Hey, this is not a game about judging each other. It’s your turn.”

          “Okay, fine. You’re right,” Magnus acquiesced. He tapped his chin with one finger. “How about, when _I_ was twelve I thought I was going to grow up to be a magician.”

          “A magician?”

          “I was very taken with Criss Angel,” Magnus confided.       

          “Ha, okay, fair enough. What about, I believed in magic until ninth grade.”

          “I still believe in magic.”

          His gaze was hard and focused, unwavering. Alec swallowed. Without thinking, he blurted out, “My first crush was on a boy who convinced me he was going to go to that school from Harry Potter.”

          His cheeks flooded with color immediately, and he paused, stepping backwards away from where they had been leaning closer and closer towards one another.

          “I didn’t—I mean—I—”

          “How about,” Magnus said calmly, “my first crush was on a boy. Period.”

          Alec paused. He didn’t mean to sound as small as he did when he said, “Yeah?”

          Magnus reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Normally, Alec wasn’t overly excited with people he barely knew touching him, but somehow he found the gesture comforting.

          “Yeah,” Magnus replied.

          Alec looked down, unable to maintain the intense eye contact any longer. Magnus didn’t say anything either. Alec couldn’t remember what they had been talking about.

          “Do you like Chinese food, Alec?”

          He looked up at Magnus’s question, immediately confused. That’s not what they had been talking about, was it?

          “I—uh, yeah, I guess I do—”

          “Great. You want to go now?”

          “I—what? Oh.” Alec shook his head, trying to clear it. “I just ate with Izzy and Jace…”

          Magnus’s brow furrowed. “Who?”

          “Oh, my sister and my…” He paused and licked his lips. He wasn’t sure he had words for all the things that Jace was, even with his own feelings aside. In the end, he just said lamely, “He’s like my brother.”

          Magnus arched an eyebrow delicately. “Well. That was convincing.”

          Alec shook his head, laughing a little now. “It’s hard to describe,” he admitted. “But he’s straight, so.”

          “And that affects you how?”

          Alec narrowed his eyes at him, assessing, but he couldn’t get a solid read on him. A tiny smile was playing around the edges of Magnus’s lips, but his amusement didn’t mean he was making sense.

          “Uh. What do you mean?” Alec asked. “Jace likes girls.”

          “So do I,” said Magnus.

          “I mean _exclusively_ likes girls,” said Alec. “There’s nothing there with Jace.”

          “Your heart seems to disagree,” said Magnus. “But I suppose we’ve all been there.”

          “Have we?” Alec said skeptically. “Well, whatever. The point is—”

          “That you’re like brothers, yes, I get it,” said Magnus, waving his hand around dismissively. “So no Chinese food then, I take it?”

          He had momentarily forgotten about their conversation when the subject of Jace had come up, sending him into a spiral full of mixed confusion and upset and irritation, but now Alec cracked a grin. He looked away for a second. _This guy_.

          “Not tonight,” he said. “Rain check?”

          “Hmm. Tomorrow then,” he said decisively.

          Alec grimaced. “Izzy invited me to a party tomorrow,” he said. “Oh, speaking of that—she wanted to know if she could borrow something for next weekend that was…what did she call it? Dazzling.”

          Magnus grinned. “I should have a dazzling item or two. She sounds stunning.”

          “She’s…Isabelle,” Alec agreed. “Anyway, you can come tomorrow too if you want. I was given very little instruction other than to dress in black.”

          “Oh, I never go in _just_ black,” Magnus said, looking revolted at the thought. “Purple eyeliner just doesn’t look the same without some color in your outfit as well.”

          Alec stared at him for a second, then said, “Right…Well anyway. Is that a yes on tomorrow?”

          “Unfortunately I told my dear friend that I would find an appropriate bar for her around here, one that’s a bit more…lax on security, if you get me.”

          Alec was pretty sure a very dumb toddler would get him, but he didn’t say it. Instead he just nodded, mouth pressed closed.

          “Perhaps sometime this week?” Magnus offered.

          Alec smiled. “Sounds great,” he said.

 

          They had ended up staying up late talking, but not about anything serious. As such, Alec was late to meet Izzy in the morning, but not too late—Jace still wasn’t there when he showed up, although that fact didn’t seem to have any effect on loosening the irritated glare she was giving him.

          “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he muttered, running a hand through his already disheveled hair—so bad that his hand didn’t even do anything to make it worse. “Magnus and I were up late.”

          “Magnus?” she asked, suddenly all intrigue. She arched an eyebrow high and leaned closer over the table. “Who’s Magnus?”

          “My roommate. And nothing happened—he made cocktails. Then we talked and fell asleep.” A pause. “Don’t give me that look. Let me get food before you start in on the inquisition.”

          “Okay,” she agreed, but he really didn’t like the tiny little smirk playing around her mouth when she said it, and it was with a heavy sigh that he got up and went to find breakfast.

          She was tapping away on her phone when he returned to the booth, but she immediately turned it off and folded her hands together on the table, giving him her full and undivided attention.

          “So, tell me all about him.”

          “ _Nothing happened_ ,” Alec insisted. “You’re aware I don’t actually jump every guy who speaks to me, right?”

          “No, but you had this look in your eye,” she said, waving a hand at him carelessly in the general direction of his face. “So, what’s he like?”

          “He’s…interesting,” Alec said, because he really couldn’t think of a better word for it. “He has this girlfriend, you know, Camille.”

          “Plot twist, nice,” Izzy said.

          “I don’t like him,” Alec said, rolling his eyes. “He’s exactly like his half of the room looks, you know. Full on glittery and dramatic as hell. He asked me out for lunch later this week. Oh, and he said you could borrow some jewelry for your party.”

          “Ooh, I love him already,” said Izzy. “You must introduce us, obviously.”

          “Obviously,” he said scathingly. Izzy smacked his wrist lightly in reproach.

          “So anyway. He’s normal though?”

          “That might be too strong a word,” said Alec, “but he’s cool, yeah. Definitely.”

          “You are so transparent,” she teased. “Anyway, I already love my roommate.”

          “Oh yeah?”

          “Yes. Her name is Lydia. We wear roughly the same size, so we can swap clothes—she already said it was cool. She’s pre-med too.”

          “Study partner,” said Alec. “Nice. Maybe she’ll just copy all your notes.”

          “You really don’t understand pre-med, do you?”

          Alec shrugged. “I don’t have to, so. No.”

          “Oh my god. Well anyway, she’s coming tonight too, so you can meet her. She’s still not over her ex-boyfriend yet, but we’re going to help you find someone cute, yeah?”

          Alec slumped backwards in his seat. “Izzy, no—”

          “Come on!” she complained, slapping her hands down on the table. “Why not? We’re not at home anymore, Alec! You’re in college now, you can drop the act—”

          “I’m not acting!”

          “You’re acting _straight_ ,” she said, shaking her head with the accusation.

          “Okay first of all, that is the rudest thing you have ever said to me.”

          “Well it’s true!” she said. “No. Alec, listen. I _know_ you’re not really a hookup kind of guy, but—”

          Alec frowned. “I’ve hooked up before.”

          “You’re a monogamist at heart and you know it. Come on, what’s the harm? You don’t have to hide anymore, Alec. We’re in college. You can just…be yourself.”

          “Who I am,” he said, “is just me. I like boys, yes, okay. But I’m not gonna go around…just…announcing it to whoever thinks they have a right to that information!”

          “I’m not asking you to make a banner,” she said. Then she softened; when she touched the back of his hand lightly, he flipped his palm to fit it against hers, and she squeezed it. “I just want you to be happy, Alec.”

          He sighed. He squeezed her hand back before pulling his away so he could resume eating.

          “I know,” he said, “and you’re—I mean, you’re right!”

          Her eyebrows knitted together. “I am?”

          “Yeah!” He threw his arms out; his fork slipped from his fingers and clattered loudly against the wall. “Oh, shit—uh…but yeah. I’m in college now. And if I want to kiss guys, I can.”

          Her fierceness was back, and she slapped her hands down on the table again, more empowering than annoyed this time.

          “Damn right you can!” She cast around for a second and then said, “You could date!” She gasped. “You could date _Magnus_!”

          “He has a girlfriend,” Alec said again, rolling his eyes. “Lay off, I didn’t _have this look_ when I talked about him, okay?”

          “It’s more like _every_ time you talk about him,” Izzy snickered. “You do this whole thing where your eyes light up and you get meaner.”

          “I am not mean—”

          “Yeah you are! You’re about five times more likely to start a fight.”

          “To be fair,” came a new voice, “he’s always ready to start a fight.”

          “Jace!” Izzy cried. “And only twenty minutes late.”

          “My bad,” he said, squeezing in beside Alec. “What are you talking about?”

          They both ignored him.

          “Did you at least come up with a good excuse on your walk over here?” Izzy asked imperiously.

          “Yeah. I didn’t want to wake up,” he said. He reached over to snag a piece of Alec’s bacon, then gave them both a significant look and said, “Be right back,” before sliding out of the booth and disappearing towards the food line.

          Alec shook his head as he looked back at his sister.

          “He makes me look good,” Alec said, jerking a thumb in the direction in which he had gone.

          “You do that all by yourself,” Izzy said.

          Jace was back a few minutes later, and for all that he claimed he hadn’t wanted to get out of bed that morning, he was digging into his pile of eggs and sausage like he was a dying man. Alec couldn’t look away; it was a little bit like watching a train wreck happen before his very eyes.

          Izzy, who after all ate in a very similar fashion, seemed not to notice as she did the same to her own breakfast. Alec shook his head; his family was a pack of animals.

          “So Jace,” said Izzy, “tell us about your first official night as a college student!”

          And that was that.

 

          That night, the WOW activity was a scavenger hunt about safe sex. Alec didn’t really know what he was supposed to be doing, but Magnus seemed enthusiastic every time he found an item off the list they had been handed, so he was going along with it anyway.

          “This makes no sense,” Alec said.

          “Just pick it up and see if it’s for the hunt or not!” Magnus insisted.

          “Magnus, this is a _condom wrapper_. I am not going to touch it to see if it’s been used or if it’s part of the Health Center’s twisted game!”

          Magnus made an irritated noise with his throat and stepped forward in front of him. Alec backed up gladly, but watched with reluctant interest as Magnus toed at the wrapper with his shoe, trying to flip it over to see if the package was torn open or whether it had the Health Center’s sticker on it, indicating that it was part of the hunt.

          “Okay!” Magnus said, jumping back a second later, and Alec automatically caught his arm as he toppled into him. “That is used! That has cum on it.”

          “Delightful,” said Alec, grimacing. “I hate Welcome Week with everything I have, you know.”

          “Yes, I know,” said Magnus.

          He stepped away from Alec’s touch and the movement jerked him out of his horrified stare at the used condom enough to realize he had been clutching at Magnus for just a little too long. Cursing everyone from his RA to his sister, Alec quickly grabbed the list of items out of Magnus’s hand.

          “Let’s move on,” he said. “What do we have left on this thing?”

          By the time they were done, Alec knew more about straight people’s sex lives than he ever wanted to know and they still came in fourth place, which had no prize except that they could keep everything they had collected—because they really needed a basket of lube and condoms. Magnus, on the other hand, had proclaimed, “There’s nothing on this earth I love more than free stuff that I don’t need,” and, with Alec insisting that he didn’t care, Magnus dumped all the spoils into his bedside drawer for himself.

          “Besides,” Magnus said when he turned around, and he winked at Alec, “you never know.”

          Alec just gave him an unimpressed face.

          “Steal some anytime,” Magnus added.

          “You sound like my sister,” Alec said dryly.

          Unfortunately for him, Magnus didn’t seem to take that as insult, possibly because he had never met Izzy. Instead he seemed vaguely intrigued more than anything else.

          “Isabelle is trying to get you laid?” Magnus asked in disbelief.

          “Izzy is trying to get me to date,” Alec corrected. He leaned heavily against his bed and looked away. “Well, sort of. She’s trying to wingman me at the party we’re going to tonight, and…I don’t know.”

          “Don’t know if you want to?” Magnus asked swiftly.

          “Yeah, that too,” Alec said. “I just…I’m not sure if I’m…”

          “Hey,” Magnus interrupted him gently, “it’s okay, Alec. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it.”

          Alec looked up at him. “You do?”

          He laughed and spread his arms out like he was encompassing his entire past when he said, “We all came out, Alec. Some of us earlier than others, true, and probably less…pleasantly than your sister doing it for you. But, the point is: You should do it however you need to do it, and whatever that entails.”

          Alec blinked at him. “You think so?”

          “Have you met me?” Magnus asked. “I don’t lie. And I don’t have a reason to lie about this.”

          Alec looked down again, his throat working hard. He only looked up again when he felt a hand touch his shoulder, and when their gazes met, Magnus shook him bracingly. They shared brave smiles.

          Then Magnus said, “So, about this party tonight,” and Alec could have laughed with relief.

          “I thought you weren’t coming,” he said.

          Magnus shrugged, and his hand fell away from his shoulder against what Alec wanted. Magnus said, “I’m not. But I’m going to help you get ready anyway.”

          Alec watched him witheringly. “I think I know how to put on black clothes.”

          Magnus shrugged. “That may very well be true, but you don’t know how to add the flare that I do.”

          “Oh, no, no no,” Alec protested, waving his hands around. “I am not a flare type of guy. I’m good with the plain button down and some really dark jeans—”

          “But just think!” Magnus said. “I have purple nail polish that turns neon orange when you’re in the dark!”

          “As tempting as that sounds,” said Alec, “I’ve never painted my nails before in my life.”

          “First time for everything,” Magnus pointed out. “Besides, you won’t be doing your nails. I’ll do them for you. Now get changed.”

          “We are not doing this,” Alec insisted, even as he followed that last directive and started stripping.

          He had to dig around in his drawers but he eventually came up with dark jeans—Izzy would just have to accept it—and a tight black t-shirt that always rode up when he lifted his arms above shoulder-height, but that was at least the color that he had been instructed to wear. When he was dressed, he turned around, spreading his arms out and doing a spin.

          “How do I look?” he asked.

          Magnus eyed him appraisingly. After a few seconds’ staring, he said, “Like Isabelle will hardly have to wingman you at all. This look will the do work all on its own.”

          “It’s just jeans.”

          “And a too-small t-shirt. Trust me, boys are fairly easy. Even boys who like other boys.”

          Alec coughed to hide his laughter. “Oh, I know.”

          Magnus arched his brow at that, clearly intrigued, but he seemed to let it go after a moment and Alec had no inclination to explain and recapture that particular conversation. He was sure they both had stories.

          “You have to let me do something,” Magnus said after a minute, eyes tracing him again but now in a manner that was much less assessing and more appraising, figuring out what to add and where.

          “I really don’t.”

          “Gel your hair or something, at least. I have bracelets that would look—”

          “Magnus, seriously,” Alec chuckled, “don’t worry about it. I guarantee that anything you lend me will be lost by the end of the night. I’m not even bringing my phone; I lose every single possession I go out with.”

          Magnus heaved a long-suffering sigh. Alec watched him for a moment before he said,

          “ _Fine_! You can gel my hair, but that’s it. Okay?”

          Magnus just smirked and went to rummage through his supplies.

          He sat Alec down on the edge of his bed when he had it in hand, and Alec bounced a little as he sat down, so that Magnus put his hand down on his knee to steady him. Shifting around a little, Alec eventually settled, and Magnus pressed closer and started running his hands through Alec’s hair to tame it however he wanted.

          He was close though, and Alec couldn’t help himself. He had nowhere to look but directly at Magnus’s face, right in front of his own albeit with diverted attention. His eyes traced down his cheek and then flashed back up; he could see every single sparkle on the glitter that he had smeared beneath his eyes, and probably could have counted eyelashes if he had bothered to try. Alec huffed a shaky little laugh. The hands he had folded on his lap fidgeted restlessly.

          “What is it?” Magnus asked absently, still smoothing hands through Alec’s hair again and again; he seemed to be having trouble with one particularly obstinate strand.

          Alec remembered to inhale again.

          “Nothing,” he said.

          Magnus glanced down at him, for just a fraction of second but long enough that Alec’s brain was already cataloguing the color of them, something private in the back of his head. A special color with _Magnus’s eyes_ as the only descriptor he had for it. It was either that unique or that important, he wasn’t sure which. Maybe both.

          “Alec,” Magnus said, as his hands slowly resumed gelling through his hair, “when it comes to matters like this, I am about one thousand years old. I have lived centuries compared to whatever this is, whatever it is that you’re trying to pull something over me. So go on, spit it out. I promise I won’t laugh.”

          Alec did though, a helpless little crooked grin overtaking him all at once.

          “Nothing,” he said, bouncing his shoulders in a shrug-like motion. “Just…I like your makeup.”

          Magnus pulled back slightly. His eyes narrowed. “You’re not making fun of me, are you?”

          Alec turned red. “No! No, I swear. I mean it, I…really like it.”

          His expression cleared abruptly. “Oh. Well then thank you.”

          His hands stilled then, and he pulled them back. Alec already missed the soothing ministrations, and the heat of his proximity as he crossed the room to unravel some of the paper towel roll that they had stolen from the bathroom and wipe his hands clean with it.

          “How do you like it?” he asked, gesturing towards the mirror hanging over their door.

          Alec got up and went to examine Magnus’s work. He ducked his head to examine every piece of it, both for himself and so that Magnus would know that he was taking his assessment seriously. When he was pretty sure that he had catalogued every single piece of his hair on his head, he turned back to Magnus with a wide grin.

          “It’s fantastic,” he said.

          Magnus’s smirk was smug. He waved a hand and said, “Of course it is,” and then the smirk melted into a blinding smile, and Alec assumed that he was at least partially kidding. He didn’t know his roommate very well, granted, but he was pretty sure that he really was that self-satisfied, not that Alec could blame him for it.

          Alec watched him for another couple of seconds, as Magnus jumped up on his bed and started picking at one of his nails. Then he turned away and started rummaging through his drawers for a light jacket to wear out that night.

          “When are you leaving?” Alec asked absently. “You know, to the bars or wherever?”

          “An hour or two,” Magnus said. Alec glanced at him and saw that he was scrolling through his phone now, barely paying attention. Their gazes caught as Magnus looked up suddenly, and Alec quickly looked away. “I have to call Camille first…When are you heading out?”

          “Izzy and Jace are coming over to pick me up, since I have no idea where we’re going,” he said. “Probably in about an hour too.”

          “Oh good, I finally get to meet the famous Jace.”

          Alec’s head snapped up, and he managed to level a less-than-pleased look in Magnus’s direction.

          “I’ve mentioned him twice,” he said severely.

          Magnus regarded him with a look that clearly showed how entirely unimpressed he was with Alec’s unaffected, snarky demeanor.

          “It’s not how many times you say his name,” Magnus chided knowingly, “it’s the way that you say it when you do.”

          “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec said. “I— _I_ don’t know what you’re talking about.”

          “Okay,” Magnus said, holding his hands up in defense. “I didn’t mean anything by it. And I won’t say anything, either.”

          Alec watched him for another few seconds, gaze hard. He muttered again, “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

          “Me neither,” Magnus agreed easily.

          Alec looked at him. Magnus offered a small not-quite-smile that spelled of peace and went back to tapping through his phone. Alec stood there, momentarily stymied. A lot of emotions were churning through him at the same time, and he couldn’t discern any of them apart from the rest—he wasn’t particularly sure that he even wanted to.

          Instead of assessing it, he went back to adjusting his leather jacket around his shoulders and pushing the sleeves up and down in the mirror. He didn’t really care how it looked one way or another; mostly he just needed something to do with his hands so that his brain would stop thinking about Jace, or worse, Magnus.

          “They’re throwing a party tomorrow in the study lounge,” Magnus said a few minutes later, after Alec had given up and thrown himself on his bed to wait for his sister and Jace to show up, “to celebrate us finishing the first day of classes. Do you want to come with me?”

          “This is a stupid question,” Alec said, “but will there be booze there?”

          “Probably not,” Magnus admitted. “The RAs are throwing it. But there will be snacks and soda, probably. And don’t forget that I have about a liquor store’s worth in my desk, if you want to bring some down and spike our drinks.”

          Alec laughed. “Okay, yeah. Sounds fun. Well, it sounds…I’ll be there.”

          Magnus winked. “You and I will make it fun,” he promised.

          Alec’s breath hitched. Luckily Magnus looked away a second later, and Alec was allowed a few seconds to remember how to breathe out on his own without drawing strange looks. He looked down at his phone and, mainly for something to do, opened his messages and texted Izzy, wondering when she would be over.

          _[izzy 8:19pm] i can come over now. want to pregame?_

          Alec looked over at where Magnus was sprawled out on his bed, now doing something on his laptop, and quickly turned his attention back to his phone.

          _[alec 8:20pm] more than anything_

          A couple of minutes later, Izzy sent back a winking emoji with a message that she would run by and grab Jace, then come right over. Instead of answering, Alec sighed and shut off his phone.

          “Do you mind if they come over to pregame first?” Alec asked.

          Magnus looked too excited for Alec’s liking when he looked up.

          “No problem at all,” he said. “I’ll throw in a fifth if I can join you three.”

          He had no real reason not to accept, other than the fact that he wasn’t sure he wanted Izzy, Jace, Magnus, and himself all drunk in the same room at the same time, but he couldn’t exactly express those fears out loud, especially when Magnus had agreed to pay them in alcohol for their troubles. With no real other option, Alec flippantly said, “Yeah, uh…yeah, of course.”

          More than anything—more than he hoped his classes were easy and more than he hoped Izzy would be cool around Magnus tonight and more than he hoped for whatever he was supposed to be hoping to come out of tonight—he prayed that at some point during the semester he learned to say five words to Magnus without stuttering like a lunatic.

          They spent a good ten minutes—a nice, pleasant, not nerve wracking ten minutes—in silence, each doing their own thing, before Alec’s phone lit up with his sister’s name spelled out above her contact picture, which was a photo he had snapped once of her pulling a ridiculous face at him with her cheeks puffed up with Cheetos. They had a short fifteen-second conversation in which she asked for him to come down and let her into the building, and then before he was prepared for it, it was just him and Izzy and Jace and Magnus alone in a room together, half of whom were holding bottles.

          “So,” Jace said after a tense, awkward moment of them all staring at one another in askance. He lifted the handle he was carrying slightly and said, “Who wants to start drinking?”

          Magnus unscrewed the vodka bottle he had unearthed out of his drawer with a flourish and said, “Finally, someone with the right idea.”

          Izzy was already digging around in Alec’s desk drawers sans permission, but he didn’t even have time to protest before she found shot glasses and turned around with a sly smile.

          “I knew I threw these in with your school supplies,” she said to him.

          Alec regarded her with disdain.

          “I was wondering how the hell those got in with my things,” he said.

          “Well it’s not my fault, my bags were all filled up!”

          She shrugged, and Jace snickered as he plucked the glasses out of Izzy’s hands and threw Alec a haughty smirk.

          “Yeah, Alec, let the lady work. What did you want us to drink out of, solo cups?”

          Izzy nodded sagely. “Please, Alec. We’re classy.”

          Alec stared at their sincere expressions for a solid moment before he snorted and looked away.

          “You two are so…”

          He shook his head, unable to come up with an appropriate adjective to describe the way that they were. Instead, he turned away from the thrilled looks they were exchanging and gestured casually behind himself at where Magnus was standing, watching the exchange with mingled amusement and disbelief.

          “Guys, this is my roommate Magnus. Magnus, Jace and Isabelle.”

          Magnus smiled at him in a way that Alec thought was supposed to be mysterious but that came out coyer than anything else. When he held out his hand, Izzy grasped it briefly and Jace did too.

          “Pleased to meet the both of you,” said Magnus. “I’ve heard…so much about you.”

          He shot a glance at Alec then, and Alec tried not to pull too annoyed a grimace. He just hoped Magnus would let it go at that and keep his word about not saying anything about things he didn’t understand.

          “Oh yeah?” said Izzy, shooting him a smirk. She glanced at Alec before her gaze flickered back to Magnus. “Well, I for one am _very_ interested to hear what he had to say about me. Sit down, sit down.” She folded her legs beneath her and sank down to the floor all at once, beckoning the others down with her. They joined her on the floor at varying paces, shooting each other glances. “Let’s play something fun. Something that helps us all get to know each other.”

          “There isn’t anything about you two I don’t already know,” Jace pointed out.

          “Yes, but we don’t know about Magnus yet,” said Izzy, tilting her head towards him. She sounded sickly sweet, which Alec knew meant she was figuring out the best way to quickly ruin all of their lives in true sister fashion. “Come on, I’m sure we’ve all got secrets. Now is the time for us to lay it all out in the open!”

          Alec shot Jace an unhappy look, which was returned to him in full.

          “Can’t we just play a card game or something?” he pleaded.

          “How about,” interjected Magnus, “we play kings? That way we get to appease everyone’s interests. Sound good?”

          Izzy clapped her hands together. “I _told_ you I liked him!”

          Alec rolled his eyes. “Just…Someone please deal.”

          Magnus unearthed a pack of cards from amongst his belongings, and he shuffled swiftly, his hands obviously well-practiced at it. When he started doing more complicated tricks with it, Alec snorted.

          “You’re showing off,” he accused.

          “So what if I am?” said Magnus. Then, at the look that Alec levelled at him, he said, “Alright, fine,” and set the deck down in the center of their circle. “Who wants to go first?”

          Jace made quick work of mixing them drinks with some of the juice Alec had stored in their mini fridge—they were going to end up drinking from solo cups anyway, but Alec figured his energy was better spent trying to keep everything level during their game than pointing that out—while Izzy won a three-way game of rock paper scissors that determined that she would draw first. Alec raised an eyebrow as Jace set his vodka and juice in front of him.

          “Isn’t this game supposed to be played with beers?”

          “Alec,” Izzy said with a withering look, “don’t you know that you aren’t supposed to complain about what you didn’t buy?”

          Alec cracked a grin. “Fair enough.”

          When Jace was done handing everyone their mixes, he settled himself back in the circle with his own cup in hand. He looked around with that air of purpose he always seemed to have and said, “Izzy, are you drawing?”

          “I was waiting for you,” she snarked back.

          Jace just rolled his eyes. With a flourish, Izzy pulled the first card and set it down face-up beside the deck. A five. Izzy rocked back, laughing.

          “All of you guys are up!” she said triumphantly.

          Alec exchanged looks with Jace on one side and then Magnus on the other before he tipped back his cup and took a sip. He pulled a face—Jace had made it strong.

          “Is there any juice in this?” Alec asked.

          To his right, Magnus was stirring his drink with his pinkie finger, and he just looked thoughtful.

          “I like it,” he declared after a moment.

          Jace turned a smug smile on him. “See Alec? Some people appreciate good mixes.”

          “Oh no, don’t get me wrong,” Magnus interjected, “this is more vodka than juice. I just like it anyway.”

          It was Alec’s turn to grin.

          “Alright,” said Izzy, snapping to get their attentions. “We can sit around debating Jace’s bartending skills all night, or we can drink what he made us. Magnus, it’s your turn.”

          The game recommenced. Then very quickly deteriorated.

          Alec was on his third cup of Jace’s mix (which was weakening every time he poured) and already paired up with Jace so he had to drink every time Jace did; Izzy was already giggly, red high on her cheeks, and she had pulled a jack so they were three rounds into a dangerous game of Never Have I Ever and Alec was hoping everybody would just lose already before things got ugly. There were plenty of things that he wanted to keep from everybody in the circle, especially those things that at least one other person knew about. Izzy would probably keep his secrets, even drunk, but Magnus…well, he didn’t know Magnus very well. He seemed fine, but Alec had no desire to test that theory around his little self-assembled family. Certain members of which that were the subjects of those very secrets that he wanted to keep.

          “Never have I ever…” Jace tapped his chin thoughtfully with one finger. Then he grinned, spreading his arms out towards the circle. “Kissed a boy.”

          For a minute, Alec had the thought—he could lean over and kiss Jace chastely, and then smirk and say, “Now you have,” and they would all laugh and everyone would have to drink. Then he stopped. He clenched a fist over his knee, nails digging into his palm, and with his raised hand he quietly lowered one finger. Magnus’s eyes flicked to him, he saw it from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t say anything. Izzy was watching the two of them, and she seemed to relax when no one said anything to him. Alec didn’t know what it meant that Jace said nothing to him, but he swallowed thickly. Then, luckily, Izzy quickly took her turn.

          “Never have I ever had sex in a public bathroom,” she said, and just like that Jace was groaning with payback.

          Magnus, interestingly, ticked his finger down too. When Alec turned to stare, Magnus shrugged and said, “I’ve been with Camille for a very long time,” and that was all he had to say on the subject. Izzy was watching him again.

          “I’m amazed you haven’t, Izzy,” said Alec, tilting his chin up at her. She rolled her eyes while she flipped him off, but at least she stopped looking at him.

          “Never have I ever thrown up in a sober ride,” said Magnus calmly.

          The look Izzy threw him was infused with more hatred than Alec had ever seen directed at someone she had claimed to like so recently. He muffled a laugh behind his hand, and she directed her glare at him next.

          “Something to say Alec? Or are you laughing about the time you booted on our kitchen floor, directly in front of our mother?”

          He sobered quickly and leveled a glower right back at her, and Jace had to nudge him with his elbow to get him to drop the staring contest and play.

          “Never have I ever slept with a woman,” Alec said calmly.

          All three of them cursed.

          “Never have I ever blacked out before we left for the night,” said Jace.

          “You’re getting there,” Alec snickered. Izzy shot him a secret little grin as she reached over to top off Jace’s drink.

          “We’ll see who’s carrying who home later,” said Jace. “Face it, Alec, you’re basically a lightweight.”

          “I am not!” he protested.

          “Do you know how many times I’ve had to call your mother and say we were sleeping at a friend’s house because you were bent over their toilet?”

          “Bent over?” said Magnus. “I’m intrigued.”

          “Does the thought of me hacking my guts out turn you on?”

          Magnus grimaced. “Point taken.”

          Jace and Magnus both lost on Izzy’s declaration that she had never prioritized a booty call over sleep, and they went a few more rounds teasing each other until Jace said, “Never have I ever wanted to sleep with one of my friends.”

          “That was my last one,” Izzy complained, putting down her final finger and tipping back her cup to take one long gulp.

          Alec was quiet as he put his own down, though not his last one so nobody seemed to notice.

          “Mine too,” Magnus said ruefully.

          “Who was yours?” Alec asked his sister.

          Izzy shrugged. “Remember Julia from summer camp?”

          “It’s always summer camp,” Magnus sighed. “I gave my first…well, let’s just say I was very close with my counselor one year.”

          Jace was laughing. Alec wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the story, and luckily for him, Izzy tucked her hair behind her ears then and announced that they should get going soon because they were meeting Lydia at the party. She stood fluidly. Jace rose too, and they started putting away the liquor and the shot glasses.

          “You know, Alexander,” Magnus said, tilting his head closer to him when they were the only ones left sitting on the floor, “this has been…very informative.”

          Alec looked at him, confused. He didn’t really feel like anything of import had been exchanged the entire game.

          “Has it?”

          “I know you think you were being slick earlier,” said Magnus, tilting his head even closer as he dropped his volume even further, “but I saw you put your finger down when Jace said he’s never wanted to sleep with a friend.”

          Alec looked down. His fingers rubbed over the hem of his shirt, and he had to take a deep breath before he looked back up at him.

          “So?”

          Magnus shrugged, but the grin playing around his lips was all trouble.

          “So,” he said, drawing the word out dramatically, “the only question that remains is: Is it Jace or me?”

          Alec nearly choked. “ _What_? No, it’s—neither! What the hell?”

          Seemingly unaffected, Magnus winked at him and then stood up and starting moving around, cleaning up his own belongings. Jace had disappeared to wash the shot glasses out in the bathroom, and Izzy was texting on his bed when Alec finally found the presence of mind to stand up himself. The room spun minutely. Magnus was ignoring him now, back turned as he recapped his partially-used fifth and cleared away their cups. Izzy looked up.

          “Ready to go?” she asked, hopping off the bed.

          Alec was fidgeting with his jacket sleeves again. “Yeah.”

          “Great,” she said, just as Jace reentered the room with the clean glasses.

          He put them down on Alec’s desk and turned towards them. He rubbed his hands together.

          “Everyone all ready to go?” he asked.

          “Yep,” Izzy said. She wrapped her hand around Alec’s wrist and pulled him along with her when she headed for the door; at the last second, she turned her head and flashed a dazzling smile at Magnus. “It was _so_ good to meet you,” she said.

          “You too,” said Magnus. “Both of you,” he clarified, nodding at Jace.

          “Yeah, this was fun,” said Jace. “We should do it again.”

          “I’d love to.”

          “Yeah, great, we’re all best friends now,” said Alec, sighed. He tugged his arm out of his sister’s grip. “Can we get going now?”

          Izzy laughed and waved one more time at Magnus before heading out in to the hall. Jace followed her lead. Alec paused just inside the doorway.

          “I’ll see you later,” he said.

          Magnus’s smile was different than the one he had given Izzy. It felt private—Alec was sure that Magnus didn’t do anything he didn’t mean, but this one felt like pasted on somehow, more natural. Softer. It was none of his usual theatrics, just him.

          “I certainly hope so,” said Magnus.

          Alec blinked at him for a second, his tone throwing him off. Then he nodded jerkily and shut the door.

          Izzy had decided to walk to the party rather than spending money on an Uber, and since she was the one in heels, Alec couldn’t find a viable reason to protest other than the fact that he really didn’t feel like walking all that way. He kept his mouth shut anyway and followed her down the road, Jace at his side.

          The party was loud, almost abrasively so. At least he was drunk, he thought as he leaned against the counter in the kitchen and sipped at the rum and coke that Jace had gotten him from the makeshift bar downstairs, watching people pass through on their way to the bathroom. The upstairs was less crowded, since the downstairs was where the music and dancing was. It wasn’t empty by any stretch, but Alec felt a little better just being able to get some air from the open window.

          He was halfway done with his drink when Izzy came zipping into the room, a blonde girl trailing behind her. Izzy was all manic energy and too-wide smiles, and something had been spilled on her shirt. She bounced over to him and grabbed his arm as she leaned up to yell in his ear over the music.

          “I met someone!”

          Alec managed a fake smile, and he gave her a thumbs-up with the arm that she hadn’t commandeered.

          “I’m happy for you,” he called back. He glanced at the girl behind her, who was fidgeting awkward under the dim kitchen lights and darting her eyes around the room.

          Izzy rolled her eyes. “Not for me, stupid, for you! That’s just Lydia—and I told you I would be a good wingwoman!”

          Alec fought the urge to bang his head against the cabinets.

          “Izzy, I told you I didn’t—”

          “I already have!” she said. “Come _on_ , you’re being rude.”

          Alec didn’t much care if he was being rude, but Izzy was tugging insistently at him and his feet were already light and his balance uncoordinated from all the drinks he had had, and he ultimately allowed his sister to drag him away with her, out of the kitchen and down the stairs. At the last second, he turned around and saw Lydia trailing behind them. He knocked back the rest of his drink in a few gulps and tossed it in an open trash can as he passed.

          The lights downstairs weren’t helping his building headache. Somebody had set up strobe lights they were pulsating quietly, but enough that he, who hadn’t acclimatized to the downstairs environment yet, noticed it immediately. His senses were all a little dulled from the drink but they still hurt his eyes just as readily as the music pumping out of the speakers hurt his ears. Everything was too loud, too close. People pressed in on him from all sides. Two seconds in and he was already breaking out in a sweat.

          Alec had been to parties before, sure. He could handle himself at house parties or at a club, or a bar. But that didn’t mean he _liked_ it, all these people pressing up against him, laughing and stumbling and overall just getting in his way. He had so many better things he could be doing. For instance, he could be at home right now with his covers pulled all the way up over his head.

          Still, he saw the allure of partying—vaguely. Once Izzy pulled him into the thick of the crowd, his feet and hips moved to the beat that everybody else seemed to be dancing to as well, and he even caught himself smiling, laughing a little as he sang out the words to a song he knew. After awhile, Izzy let go of his hands, apparently trusting him not to run off. They swayed there for awhile, dancing poorly, moving together and laughing in their own little bubble of the world. Izzy, true to her word, even got Lydia laughing and dancing wildly with her. Alec momentarily felt…content.

          Content enough, even, to lean close to Izzy’s ear and shout, “So where’s the prize you found me, wingwoman?”

          Izzy gave a thrilled noise and threw her arms around his neck.

          “I’ll be back!” she called into his ear.

          With Izzy gone, Alec was left to his own devices on the dance floor. Lydia didn’t seem any more inclined to dance with him than he felt with her, but they stayed close together anyway. Luckily for him, he was drunk and everybody around him was drunk and nobody seemed to care that he had no rhythm when he moved his hips and that when he tipped his head back and laughed, there was really no reason for it. Girls were flashing him smiles as they slipped by him and Alec found himself grinning back—he couldn’t give them what they wanted, but it was still just… _fun_. He was having fun. The thought was weirdly startling.

          “So you’re the famous roommate?” Alec asked Lydia after a moment.

          Lydia smiled faintly. Alec could see what Izzy had meant about her being all business.

          “I guess,” she said, shrugging. “Alec, right? You’re the famous brother?”

          Alec laughed. “I guess,” he said. “Sorry she dragged you into all this.”

          Lydia shook her head. “Isabelle is more fun than I’m used to, is all,” she said. “I have to admit it’s nice to have someone to drag me out of my room. I haven’t gotten out much since…”

          “The break up?” asked Alec. “I heard.”

          Lydia afforded him a tiny smile. “I like her.”

          Alec laughed. “You like her now. Just wait.”

          Izzy returned a few minutes later, squeezing through the crowd. There was somebody else attached to her death grip now. Alec quickly appraised him: he was alright-looking, bolstered by the drink in him, with messy dark hair that fell everywhere and an easy crooked smile that, at the moment, was bashful. He was a little shorter than Alec, but not by much, and he was toned and nice-looking in his tight shirt and jacket, and with his soft jaw. Alec cast his sister an approving look and she preened.

          “I’m gonna go find Jace and get another drink!” she said. “Do you guys want anything?”

          The boy touched her arm and said something Alec didn’t hear, and Alec shook his head at her. After that Izzy seemed to melt away back into the crowd, but not before she grabbed Lydia’s hand and pulled her away with her.

          He was nice—Raphael, as he introduced himself—and not so bad with his dancing, not that Alec had a good basis for comparison. His hands were warm on Alec’s waist and they moved together well and Alec melted into it more than he wanted to on a primal level, because he hated where his mind kept flicking back to without permission.

          His bed. Warm. Maybe with someone else across the room.

          Alec sighed and tightened his grip around Raphael’s neck. Alec just didn’t… _feel_ anything, because why would he, for some random guy he met at a party when they were both sweat-slicked and really drunk. Alec was just going to go home with Izzy and Jace when the party broke up, no matter what happened right now on the dance floor, in the dim basement with people pressing in on all sides.

          Alec looked back at Raphael. Well, whatever. It was stupid to want what he couldn’t have when there was something he could have right here. Raphael laughed at something he said and the bass was beating so hard he could feel it in his chest like his own heartbeat, and Alec closed his eyes and let himself feel nothing but the party around him.

          Yeah. It wasn’t perfect, but this would do for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick note: this won't update regularly. i'm working on 2 other multichaps, school, and ghostwriting a real live publishable book. so stay tuned! this will return! but not until like, late april. sorry. after school lets out, i'll have a LOT more time for it.
> 
> my tumblr: [xoxox](http://bkinney.tumblr.com/post/141721787755)


	2. Intro to Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec looked over his shoulder and froze.
> 
> Magnus was...well, freshly showered. It wasn’t the cleanness that was getting to Alec; it was the wet hair and general non-nudity, if Alec was being honest with himself (his brain, at that particular moment, sounded like a nonstop siren going off in his head, but at least he could admit over the cacophony that the water thing was working for Magnus). Magnus usually slept until after Alec left for class and showered in the mornings, so Alec hadn’t had too much opportunity to see him like…that.
> 
> “Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath.
> 
> Magnus turned around. All the heat in Alec’s body rushed into his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO MONTHS LATER....
> 
> anyway, i'm thrilled to have finally banged this out. thank you all so much for being so patient. i hope it's worth the wait!
> 
> xoxox
> 
>  
> 
> cw: nongraphic throwing up. because hey, drunk college kids.

          Alec’s mind woke up long before his body the next morning.

          He could feel himself straining towards consciousness and prayed, distantly and through the dream he was having (which was so filled with glitter he was sure that it was going to slip through into his real, waking life and he’d wake up with his sheets looking like an arts and crafts project gone wrong), that he was going to be hit with another few waves of tiredness and drift back under the comfortable veil of sleep that had cradled him all night. Already, though, he could feel the nausea curling in his stomach, as well as the way his jeans, which he hadn’t stripped out of before collapsing into bed last night, were digging uncomfortably into his hips and feeling stiff and uncomfortable on him. His shirt was sticky on his back from someone spilling their drink on him while he had been dancing with Raphael and too busy with that to pay attention to the transgression. Yeah, he really needed to get out of bed.

          More slowly than he had ever done anything in his life, Alec blinked open his eyes.

          His cheek was smashed against his pillow but he had a clear view of Magnus, still sound asleep across the room. He hadn’t washed his makeup off his face and Alec wondered dimly how his night at the bar had been, and whether or not it was going to be a morning of grunting and general suffering all around the dorm today.

          His concern was more or less confirmed when he finally managed to strip out of his clothes and take a shower. It was long and hot and he used it to massage out the knots that had built up in his neck. Even though he ended up doubled over and throwing up vodka at the end of it, he still felt better when he finally managed to drag himself away from the heat, wrapping his towel back around his waist and stepping out of the stall.

          Magnus was awake when Alec returned to the room, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and effectively smearing what was left of his eye makeup. He looked up when Alec opened the door, but only afforded him a small wave of his hand and went back to yawning and shuffling around.

          Alec smiled a bit as he rubbed his towel through his hair and started getting dressed. He felt a little more awake after his shower, even if he felt a little dirty still, too, from ending up doubled over the drain. He pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and spun around to where Magnus had stood up and was messing with his shower caddy.

          “Feel okay this morning?” Alec asked wryly.

          Magnus glared blearily at him. “I feel fucking fantastic,” he croaked, voice thick with sleep. He swept his gaze down Alec’s body and then back up, and his eyes narrowed. “You look chipper.”

          “Yeah, well. I threw up in the shower,” Alec offered.

          Magnus snorted. “Happy first day of classes,” he said. Alec shook his head ruefully.

          Magnus left to shower as well, leaving Alec to get dressed in private. He still wasn’t completely used to the concept of someone else seeing him in his morning routine, and especially not so naked; he was grateful for the reprieve of company as he rifled shirtless through his drawers for something to wear to his first class of college ever.

          Alec was buttoning up a plain grey shirt in the mirror when the door swung open, nearly hitting him but for the way he jumped back at once. Magnus startled when he saw Alec standing there so close, but they both relaxed when they got each other in focus. Magnus broke first, slumping back and into a grin, and Alec relaxed too so he could step back into room and give Magnus room to slide past him into the dorm. Alec finished buttoning his shirt and started packing his backpack with books he would need for the day; when he turned around, Magnus was dressed and back in front of the mirror doing his eyeliner. He glanced up so Alec’s eyes met his in the reflection.

          “I don’t do it as dramatic for the daytime,” said Magnus, lowering his attention back to his own reflection, “but I still like to do a little something.”

          Alec held his hands up. “Hey, I wasn’t judging. Seriously.”

          Magnus didn’t say anything, but Alec waited until he saw the barest smile playing around his mouth before he turned away.

          A couple of minutes later Alec slid his arms through his favorite leather jacket, hitched his backpack up onto one shoulder, and did one last sweep of the room to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.

          “Are you heading to class?” Magnus asked.

          He moved away from the mirror to put his eyeliner away and start searching for something else in his cache of beauty products; Alec took the opportunity of the open exit and crossed the room.

          “Yeah,” he said. “Well, I’m meeting Jace for breakfast first.”

          “Alright,” Magnus said airily. “Are you still coming to the lounge party later?”

          “Are you kidding?” said Alec. When Magnus raised his eyebrows in askance at him, Alec grinned back. “Spiking drinks and watching authority figures try to be hip and hang out with the kids? Sounds like a good time to me.”

          Magnus laughed an airy, tinkling laugh. “I’ll see you this afternoon then, Alexander.”

          Alec quirked the smallest look at the use of his full name, but ultimately just pressed his lips together and waved vaguely over his shoulder as he headed out into the hall.

          The dining hall was packed with kids when Alec went in, students milling around half-dressed with slippers or people with books under one arm and carrying a plate with the other. Alec cast around until he saw where Jace had snagged a table tucked away by the windows and headed over to him. It wasn’t until he dropped his bag into the chair opposite him that Jace looked up.

          “Hey, man,” he said. He had really spread out his breakfast across the entire table, and now he shuffled around some plates and cups to make room for Alec on the other half of it. “How was the rest of your night?”

          “I made out with a stranger, passed out fully clothed on my bed, and threw up while I was taking a shower this morning.”

          Jace looked both thrilled and intrigued with this information; he leaned back in his chair, hands braced around the edge of the table. His mouth was a little open, his eyebrows raised.

          “Wow,” he said with a slow grin, stretching the single syllable out into two. “ _Wow_! Congratulations. Tell me about it.”

          Alec held up a finger. “Food first,” he said.

          He waited until Jace rolled his eyes and nodded before sweeping away for something to fill his stomach.

          The line was long, but eventually Alec managed to fill his plate up with toast, eggs, and enough bacon to instantaneously give himself a heart attack. Jace was leaning forward when Alec returned, his fingers laced together, but Alec made him wait while he chugged one of his two glasses of water before he waved for Jace to start in on the inquisition.

          “Who was it?” he asked immediately. “Did you go home with them?”

          Alec wasn’t deluded enough to mistake Jace’s pressing interest for jealousy. Still, he ducked his head when he said, “Shut up, _no_. We just kind of…danced and made out for a little while. It was…” Alec shook his head as he searched for the word. He wasn’t sure if he was smiling at the memories racing through his head or at his own inadequate but unorthodox (for him) description when he shrugged his shoulders a little and settled on, “fun.”

          Jace whistled lowly, leaning back in his seat. “ _Fun_?” he echoed. “Alec Gideon Lightwood—you had _fun_? And you _liked_ it?”

          Alec rolled his eyes. He knew his cheeks were dusted pink and he waved his hand at Jace, a milder version of flipping him off, which he didn’t really have the proper energy for.

          “Shut up,” he said.

          Jace just grinned. “I’m just… _Wow_.”  
          Alec reached for his other cup of water. He pressed it to his mouth to hide his face somewhat as he grumbled out, “Stop saying that.”

          “Have you told Izzy?” asked Jace. He was still leaning forward like that would at all help him gather information, and his elbow was nearly in the ketchup he had drizzled for his sausages.

          “No. Well, not yet.” Alec waved his hands at him in a shooing motion to get him to lean back. “And your arm’s almost in your food, go away. I’ll answer whatever you want.”

          Jace did at least lean back in his chair, but he was still appraising as he spread his legs and crossed his arms over his chest, eyes firmly set on Alec. Alec just barely offered him a similar look back.

          “You’d be shit in an interrogation,” Jace said decisively. Alec nearly burst out laughing at the unexpected comment. Jace must have seen it in his face, because he said, “You just gave in because I sat too close!”

          “This isn’t an interrogation!” Alec said. He waved at Jace in a gesture of resigned encouragement. “I said I’d tell you what you wanted to know. Go on, ask me anything. Get it all out of your system now.”

          “You know Izzy will want the same rundown later,” said Jace.

          Alec tipped his head. “Good. This way you can give it to her.”

 

\- - -

 

          The beanery was filled to bursting when Alec squeezed his way inside. He was glad he had stopped by to drop his backpack off at his dorm before coming over here, because he was already tall enough to make navigating a hassle; he didn’t need to be twice his width, too. The little café was packed wall-to-wall with kids doing homework, kids drinking coffee, kids typing away on their laptops. Most of them had one or two friends seated around the table or couches with them, too, so it was loud on top of being packed. Alec took a moment to just look around before he spotted the table that Izzy had commandeered, and then he made his way over.

          “Hey,” he said breathlessly when he had stepped his way over all the backpacks and nonfat lattes to where she was sitting.

          Izzy beamed at him; Alec immediately surmised that Jace had already filled her in earlier that day on his activities last night, especially when she said, “Alec!” with that knowing and thrilled tone that suggested she was a little overly invested in his life. Well, she would call it his happiness.

          “Sit, sit,” she said as she shuffled around her backpack, taking it off the chair beside her and stuffing her laptop into it. She put it on the floor leaning against her seat instead, and Alec slid into the place she had cleared. Izzy craned her neck to look around the beanery. “Where’s Jace?”

          “Busy,” said Alec. “He just texted me. He got caught up listening to some animal rights activists in the center, he’ll be here soon.”

          Izzy shook her head. “You don’t think he’s going to try going vegan again, do you?”

          Alec grimaced. “Just as long as he doesn’t try to take meat off the menu for me too, more power to him. At least it gives him something to do.”

          “Other than butting into your life, you mean.”

          Izzy tipped him a sugary smile. Alec tipped his head back and groaned.

          “So he _did_ tell you?” he surmised, sighing as he looked back at Izzy. She dipped her head in an enthusiastic nod.

          “Oh yes,” she said. “I hear you had the _best_ night, twin brother.”

          Alec could tell his cheeks were coloring slightly. “I had fun,” he admitted. Jace would have spilled that secret, too, anyway.

          Izzy clapped her hands together once and clasped them.

          “Good!” she exclaimed. “I’m always telling you, you’re not having enough fun. You’re in college now…”

          “Is this going to be the same speech you gave me the other day about coming out and being myself? Because I’m going to need a cup of coffee before you give it to me again.”

          At that, Izzy clamped her hand down on his wrist as he started to rise, and with her other she leaned down to shuffle around on the chair opposite him, on her other side. She slid a cup across the table to him.

          “Iced coffee, two sugars, no milk,” she reeled off, sliding it across the table to him. “The barista tried to put in cinnamon, but I stopped her.”

          “Thank god,” said Alec. He took an experimental sip. “Did she put vanilla in this?”

          “Did she?” Izzy twisted around to glare at the barista. “Damn. I didn’t notice that one.”

          “It’s surprisingly good,” said Alec.

          Izzy raised her eyebrows. “Wow,” she said, echoing Jace from this morning. “You need to get out more often. Seeing you happy is _weird_. Did you just accept a change in your coffee order?”

          Alec narrowed his eyes at her. “Shut up. You just want an excuse to drag me to more parties.”

          Izzy grinned. “Alpha Phi is having one this weekend, if you wanted to go.”

          “Mmm, sorority girls,” said Alec. He rolled his eyes. “Just my type.”

          “Well, they’re just my type, and you’re supposed to be my wingman.”

          “Since when?”

          “Since I scored you Raphael.”

          Alec paused. He opened his mouth, but before he could retaliate, a beaming redhead appeared at his elbow. She was short, bouncing a little on her feet, and she might as well have had a halo shining above her head for how much she seemed to radiate light and (if Alec was being honest) goodness—possibly to an extreme. Every inch of her seemed to reinforce the idea that she really was just like this.

          “Clary!” Izzy reached out an arm, and the girl—Clary—circled to the other side of the table to give Izzy a sideways hug. Then she clamored into the chair across from Alec. Izzy turned to him. “Alec, this is Clary. She’s from my psych lecture. Clary, this is my brother Alec.”

          Clary gave a little wave. “Hi,” she said, and the way she said it was almost shy. “Your sister’s awesome. She’s already agreed to be my study partner for the semester.”

          Alec slid at a glance at his sister before turning back to Clary.

          “She’s awesome?” he echoed. “What lies did she tell you to get you to believe that one?”

          Clary’s answering laugh may well have been bells chiming. Izzy swatted at his arm, then turned her attentions to Clary with her expression cleared.

          “Don’t listen to him,” she said earnestly. “I happen to actually be every bit as awesome as I said I was.”

          Clary’s nose scrunched as she smiled back.

          Izzy left right after that, to refill her coffee and pick one up for Clary, and there were several beats of uncomfortable silence as Alec and Clary were left alone. Well, Alec was uncomfortable anyway—Clary seemed fine, humming to herself and looking around the café. After a few more seconds where he was pretty sure he was starting to sweat, Clary turned her gaze back on him.

          “So,” she said lightly. Her fingers seemed restless as they picked at a stray packet of sugar that someone had left behind. “It’s strange being away from home, isn’t it? You’re a freshman too, right?”

          “Isabelle are I are twins,” Alec confirmed. Even he could recognize that he sounded disinterested, but his apathy was more out of discomfort than anything else. He cleared him throat. “So uhm, yeah. I’m a freshman too.”

          “Yeah…” Clary glanced down for a moment, watching her fingers play. “I’m an only child—well, I mean, me and Simon are basically brother and sister, but _technically_ …anyway, it’s been really hard on me and my mom.” When he didn’t immediately say anything, she prompted, “What about you?”

          “My relationship with my parents is...complicated,” Alec settled on. He wanted to growl in frustration; Izzy always made small talk seem so _easy_. Alec was already planning quick ways to fake his death just to get away from this table faster. “So yeah, it’s a little weird, I guess. Mostly I like it, the…freedom. I mean, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to, it’s just…nice to not have someone breathing down my neck about it, you know?”

          He knew, as his speech stuttered and died only to come to a close in a stunning decrescendo, that he sounded completely lame and severely clichéd. Clary didn’t seem fazed with his apparent failure to sum up moving to college in anything other than words that belonged on a brochure. She hummed like he had said something meaningful.

          “I know what you mean,” she said earnestly. “Mom was always on me about doing this or that, and I mean, I love her, she’s my best friend, but it’s like—I just mean, it’s nice not to have someone pestering me to do the dishes and clean my room. I might actually do it myself now that someone’s not asking me to do it.”

          She snorted a little. Alec stared for a second before huffing a reluctant laugh, releasing an anxious breath he had been holding. Clary perked up when she heard it, and she started to grin.

          “Hey,” she said slowly, “do you—”

          She was interrupted by the reappearance of Izzy, who was holding both cups aloft and whom, when they looked up at her, announced, “More caffeine has arrived, ladies and gentlemen.”

          She set down Clary’s with a flourish and beamed at her. Clary snickered and elbowed her playfully. Izzy clamored back into her seat.

          “So,” said Izzy. She paused to take a long sip of her coffee. “What have you been getting up to while I was gone?”

          Then for the second time in several minutes, the conversation was stopped. Alec had just opened his mouth to give her a cursory answer when Jace’s arrival stalled the response in his throat.

          “Guess who’s got pamphlets?” Jace said wryly, and he slapped a stack of them down on the table.

          Alec twisted his head around to get a better look at them, but he only got as far as reading the big, block-lettered title upside-down (“YOU WOULDN’T DO IT TO YOUR PET”) when he heard Jace say, “Hey, who’s this? You have another friend?” in this mock-offended voice, and Alec looked up to pay attention to that instead.

          Izzy was giggling behind her hand.

          “Shut up,” she said, smacking his arm lightly with the back of her hand. “Jace, this is Clary, she’s from my psych class. Clary, this is my brother Jace.”

          Clary seemed politely puzzled, her forehead wrinkling out as she frowned. She said, “I thought you only had one brother?”

          Alec set his hands on the table and stood up. All eyes turned to him.

          “You fill her in on that drama while I get something to eat,” he said.

          By the time he returned to the table, now with a chocolate croissant to satiate him, they were evidently done talking about it and had moved on to other, more interesting subjects; Clary was telling Jace and Izzy about a nature class she was taking, and although Alec was pretty sure he heard her talking about caterpillars, Jace and Izzy seemed enthralled in equal measure.

          “So anyway,” Clary said happily, and Alec tuned in again for the first time in about five minutes, “that’s why I don’t go into strange woods alone anymore.”

          Jace and Izzy started laughing, and Clary grinned at Jace, and Alec thought, _Christ, straight people are something else_. Looking at Clary and Jace, he figured he would have to give Izzy the bad news himself.

          “Anyway, what are you all up to tonight?”

          Izzy leaned forward infinitesimally more; Alec could see the way it made her shirt slip down just a little, and he rolled his eyes to himself.

          “Free,” said Izzy, not even bothering to look at the others to make sure. Alec could see where the assumption was fair, even as he bristled a little. “How come?”

          “There’s a get-together thrown by some seniors in my dorm,” said Clary. “Some sort of thing for syllabus week. Do you all want to come?”

          Jace and Izzy looked at each, nodded, then both looked at Alec. He hesitated.

          “I’m actually—I’ve got a thing,” he said.

          Jace stared. “You’ve got a _thing_? It’s day two.”

          “Yes, I’ve got plans,” Alec snapped. Then he paused. “Uh, Magnus invited me to this lounge party later. It’s hosted by RAs and everything, but…”

          “Yeah, yeah, we saw his liquor stash,” said Jace.

          Izzy nodded. Then she grinned and said, “Well, have fun with Magnus,” in a way that Alec didn’t like much at all. He rolled his eyes at her.

          “Don’t be a pain.”

          “Don’t make it easy,” she said, but she squeezed his arm gently and he ended up forgiving her straight away. Fucking _Izzy_.

          Clary was looking between them and smiling. When they took a break from ribbing each other, she clapped her hands together and said, “Great! Then I’ll see you two—” she gestured at Jace and Izzy— “Tonight! 118 Mundy Hall. Be there around eight, okay? I have to go.”

          She was gathering her things together as she spoke, and then she hopped off her stool and added, “See you tonight guys! Have fun at your party, Alec.”

          She waved at them. Izzy waved back; Jace gave her a little salute. Alec just jerked his chin in a vague goodbye.

          As soon as she was gone, they all turned back to each other.

          “So what’d you think?” said Izzy. Her eyes were bright and her hands were folded on the table before her.

          Alec shook his head. Jace looked at Alec and then back to Izzy.

          “Bad luck,” said Jace.

          “She’s straight,” Alec agreed. “Or at the very least has her eyes on Jace.”

          Izzy grimaced. “Damn. Well, at least she seems like a good time. Besides, we need more girls in the group, don’t you think?”

          “Are we a group now?” asked Alec, scrunching his nose a little. The concept was…distasteful.

          Jace was just smirking. “Thank _god_. I’m already third-wheeling as the adopted brother. At least now Clary can spend time as the outsider for awhile.”

          “You are _not_ ,” said Alec, “the outsider.”

          Izzy batted at Jace’s arm. “Oh, please,” she said at the same time. “You just want to make an easier time of it when we have to split into pairs.”

          “You can’t take _two_ dates to a party, Izzy!”

          She shook her head so that her hair flew into her face. Jace crossed his arms.

          “You guys can’t let me have anything,” he groused.

 

\- - -

 

          The lounge party was nice, but a little too sober for Alec’s taste. If he was going to be forced to be around so many people, he would rather at least have them _all_ be drunk, because he ended up just spending the whole time being self-conscious about being the odd one out. He was tired from his first day of classes, too, so he spent a lot of the evening leaning on Magnus and pretending to listen to the small talk being aimed at him. At long last, he figured he had stayed long enough that he could reasonably go back upstairs, and he slid out of the room with nothing more than a short farewell to Magnus so he would know where he was, should he take a break from mingling to go looking for him later. The day had been long, and tiring, and Alec was asleep before Magnus even returned to the room.

          His first week passed in much the same fashion, and his second, too—without the parties every other night. He went to class, did his work, saw his friends, and slept. Izzy had amassed or been dragged into a small girl group of whom she, Clary, and Izzy’s roommate Lydia seemed to be the main core; and they kept her busy when Alec was too tired to coax out of his room. Jace got along fine on his own, taking self-guided tours to memorize the campus or checking out the different clubs and student organizations available, and he didn’t mind when Alec didn’t want to hang out, either. Before he knew it, his first two weeks of the semester had already passed. It felt both like a long time and no time at all.

          He woke up on Thursday of his third week and felt, for the first time, like he belonged there. He was up to date on his work and had found the flow of his classes, and he was actually in a good mood when he got out of bed and went to go brush his teeth, propping the door open as he left. Magnus wasn’t in his bed, but a couple of the dorm showers were running when Alec entered the bathroom, so he figured he would be back soon.

          Magnus exited one of the showers from behind him a few minutes later, but Alec was shaving, and barely looked up except to wave vaguely over his shoulder as Magnus disappeared back into the hallway. He hummed a little as he finished up his morning routine.

          The door was shut when he came back, but—as he found when it gave it an experimental twist—not locked.

          Alec put his bathroom caddy down and went to his dresser to start pulling out shirts to choose from. Then he looked over his shoulder and froze.

          Magnus was...well, _freshly showered_. It wasn’t the cleanness that was getting to Alec; it was the wet hair and general non-nudity, if Alec was being honest with himself (his brain, at that particular moment, sounded like a nonstop siren going off in his head, but at least he could admit over the cacophony that the water thing was working for Magnus). Magnus usually slept until after Alec left for class and showered in the mornings, so Alec hadn’t had too much opportunity to see him like… _that_.

          “Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath.

          Magnus turned around. All the heat in Alec’s body rushed into his face. He had known it from his arms, really, that he worked out plenty, but seeing him shirtless was another thing altogether. He really was in more than perfect shape. Was there one part of him that wasn’t hard?

          Alec swallowed at his wording. Shit. There was about to be a part of him that _was_ hard, and he—he just really didn’t need that at the moment.

          “What?” asked Magnus.

          He sounded innocent enough; there was the distinct possibility that he really _hadn’t_ heard Alec, or noticed the semi-blatant ogling that Alec was struggling not to do right now, which was at once a relief while also fueling the growing horror in Alec’s gut. _Jesus Christ_? Really? That’s what he wanted to say at the moment?

          “Uh…”

          Magnus raised an eyebrow at him.

          “Did you…did you say something?” he asked, looking a little unsure now himself.

          Alec immediately shut his mouth. He shook his head forcefully.

          “Nothing. Uh…nothing.” He spotted his phone just to the right of him, lying face-up on his bed, and snatched it up at once. He waved it vaguely in the air. “I, uhm, got a text from Izzy. She…She was just telling me about her night.”

          Magnus was still looking at him a bit oddly, but he relaxed against his bed now. Alec looked away when he noticed that his towel was slipping a little down his hips. He would be in so much trouble if Magnus realized, he didn’t even want to think about it—not only because Magnus was his roommate, but he also had a fiery girlfriend, and they were _friends_ , so it was totally inappropriate to stare at him for any length of time. Plus he was _lying_ —Izzy had been at a study group all night doing homework for her weekly biology lab report, as evidenced by her hourly texts detailing how bored she was and how much she really, really wanted to punch all three of her project partners in the face.

          “Did she get wild or something last night?” Magnus asked, with interest. “It was a Wednesday. What on earth did she find interesting to do on a Wednesday night? And can she get me in on it?”

          Now Alec was really blushing, and _Jesus_ , could he talk normally for five seconds? he wondered as he opened his mouth and another stream of nonsense streamed out of it.

          “She went out with some friends,” he said vaguely. “Over! She went over to her friend’s place. Clary. I told you about Clary, right?”

          Magnus shrugged. “Maybe. Something about ‘embodied sunshine,’ right?”

          Alec came back to himself a little, enough to let his expression fall flat.

          “Yes,” he said, a little sharper than normal. “I don’t think I sounded so impressed though.”

          Magnus laughed at that. He finally grabbed a shirt out of his dresser and shrugged it on. Almost automatically, Alec watched his chest and stomach disappear under it, then flicked his attention back to Magnus’s face as it came out of the other end. He seemed thoroughly untroubled by their conversation, which was annoying, mainly because Alec was really, really troubled by it.

          “Well, like I said: I’ll have to meet her sometime. She sounds like someone fun to be around.”

          “Oh, no. You’re not going to fall in love with her too, are you?”

          Magnus just laughed again.

          “I believe Isabelle said she was over it before it began,” said Magnus, tapping the end of his nose knowingly. “Anyway, isn’t she on to bigger and better things now?”

          “Don’t say it—”

          “At least,” Magnus added, eyes gleaming, “I _think_ that’s what she called him.”

          Alec groaned. “Dear god, there’s two of her. I’m leaving. I have to leave.”

          He didn’t, though. He just listened to Magnus’s soft chuckle as he turned around and started pulling on clothes for the day. A few minutes later, Magnus said he had to go meet somebody for breakfast, and Alec waved perfunctorily over his shoulder as he disappeared out the door. As soon as he was gone, he wanted to groan all over again.

          “Really brilliant, Alec,” he muttered to himself. He yanked a shirt on at random and started shoving the dismissed choices back into his drawer with more force than necessary. “Really _fucking_ brilliant. You’re not creepy _at all_.”

          He began hitting his head face-down repeatedly on his bed and muttering expletives, so much so that he did not immediately hear the door reopen. He did, however, hear a long drawn out, “Uhhhh,” and then— “Alec, what—what are you doing?”

          He looked up. Because the last ten minutes hadn’t been embarrassing enough, apparently, Magnus had clearly forgotten something and had doubled back for it. _Great_.

          “Are you okay?” Magnus asked, stepping further into the room and letting the door shut behind him. “What’s happened?”

          “Nothing,” said Alec, doing his best to look dignified. He was pretty sure he was failing momentously. “I’m just—what’s up? Why did you come back?”

          Magnus waved off his questions.

          “Seriously,” he said. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Isabelle?”

          It took Alec a second to remember that he had told Magnus that he was talking to Izzy about her nonexistent night out.

          “Oh,” he said, which was not the correct response at all. “I—No, Izzy’s fine. She had a good time last night.”

          Another lie, but he was in so deep already, he might as well go for broke.

          Magnus was still regarding him strangely, eyebrows pulled together, head slightly cocked.

          “You’re sure?” he checked.

          Alec nodded jerkily.

          “Yep,” he said, rocking up on the balls of his feet a little.

          He couldn’t have been screaming _I am hiding something from you!_ any more at that moment, fidgeting on his feet with his arms folded behind his back, hands grasping tightly to his elbows, but Magnus, at length, seemed to decide that he either believed him or wasn’t going to press.

          “Okay,” he said, drawing the word out slightly in his bemusement. Then he shook his head and said again, “Okay,” with slightly more conviction.

          Alec pressed his lips together and, with a grand effort, stopped fidgeting. “So…what’s up?”

          “What’s…? Oh, right.” Magnus snapped his fingers like he had just remembered that he had come back for something. Then he pointed at Alec and said, “Do you want to come get lunch with me after your classes? The beanery by the lake is supposed to be _fantastic_.”

          Alec crooked a half-smile.

          “It’s better than fantastic,” said Alec.

          Magnus arched one eyebrow interestedly. “You’ve been?” Alec shrugged. Magnus said, “So it’s a date?”

          He said it wryly, because it was so obviously _not_ a date that he was making a joke out of it. Alec choked a little on his own spit for a second when he swallowed wrong and tried not to make too big a deal about sputtering nonsensically for a couple seconds. He had to hold one arm out fully to stop Magnus from approaching. This whole morning was embarrassing enough already.

          At last, Alec got his breathing back under control and he looked up, a smile fixed firmly on his face.

          “It’s a date,” he confirmed.

          Magnus’s grin lit up the whole room momentarily, and then he waved and disappeared in a whoosh of his peacoat.

 

\- - -

 

          Alec hated his two classes that met on Tuesdays and Thursdays, even though it was one less class than he had to deal with the other three days of the week. Fucking gen-ed requirements. It didn’t help that he couldn’t stop thinking about seeing Magnus later, so he couldn’t really concentrate too well. Not because he was excited or anything, because it was just two friends meeting for coffee, but because he hadn’t really _hung out_ with him much. They talked a lot in the dorm, and he had  been out with him a couple of times, but the dorm conversation was natural and occasionally stilted by them doing their own things across the room from one another, and going out meant there was almost certainly alcohol to make everything less nerve-wrackingly difficult. Now it would just be him and Magnus, sitting across from one another in a coffee shop and trying to think up something intelligent to say to keep the other interested when there was nothing else to do but _talk_. Not that Alec didn’t have plenty of good conversation points, but it was still a little disconcerting to _know_ that in a couple short hours, he would have to navigate a whole coffee date’s length of a time with somebody he didn’t have a lifetime’s worth of rapport with.

          God. It was so much easier just hanging out with his brother and sister. Maybe he should have hung out with more people than Jace and Izzy in high school. He had had a few other friends, but his core group had never deviated very much. Alec was as out of practice as anyone could possibly be, and he felt it in his bones.

          So, yeah. He had a little bit of a difficult time struggling through chemistry, because it wasn’t like that class was hard enough for him already or anything.

          The beanery was slightly less crowded on Thursdays, which Alec was privately grateful for. With people unwinding towards the weekend, the room was more populated with small groups laughing and conversing than with people doing any type of work. He stepped up to the counter to order his coffee.

          When his name was called, Alec picked up his iced coffee and turned around to do a quick scan of the room. He spotted Magnus over by one of the windows. When they made eye contact, Magnus waved. Alec gave him a nod to acknowledge that he had seen him as he started to make his way over there.

          “Good afternoon,” Magnus said grandly when Alec approached.

          “Hey,” said Alec. He slid into the seat across the tiny table from Magnus and opened the lid on his drink to start pouring in sugar packets. “Have a good day?”

          “Mmm, the best,” Magnus said earnestly. “I would have ordered you something before you showed, but I didn’t know your order.”

          Alec reeled off his simple drink and then leaned back in his chair, smiling a little easier. This wasn’t _so_ bad.

          “So, good day?” Alec asked. “What happened?”

          “Nothing major,” said Magnus, waving off the question like it was nothing. “I _finally_ had a meeting with my statistics tutor, so maybe she can be of some help before the first exam. Otherwise it was just…I don’t know, pleasant. It’s sunny out, nothing in particular went wrong. Just a good day all around, I guess.”

          “Good,” Alec said, and he meant it.

          Magnus smiled. “I agree. So, how was yours?”

          Alec shifted a little in his seat; thinking back on his day reminded him of the _start_ of his day. To avoid the question for long enough to get the thought out of his head, he squinted across at Magnus and took an experimental sip of his drink. It was good, the same as every other time he came by.

          “Fine,” he said eventually. “Had my least favorite classes today, but I got through them. I’m seeing Izzy later,” he added, perking a little with the afterthought.

          “Tell her I said hi.”

          “I will.”

          It was easy—way easier than he’d thought—getting into a rhythm with Magnus. They talked and laughed and it wasn’t even about anything particularly serious, but Alec found that he genuinely liked hanging out with him, even outside the safe confines of his dorm and with neither of them drunk. He was just beginning to warm to the afternoon when Magnus’s phone chirped. He held up one long finger, and Alec paused in his recount of something that had happened in chem earlier to let Magnus pull his phone from his pocket and check it briefly.

          Alec watched his face fall.

          “It’s Camille,” he said with a frown.

          Alec hesitated. “Does she want you to call her or something?”

          Magnus stared at his phone for a moment longer, his brow furrowed, his lips parted. Alec wondered if he should ask again.

          Then Magnus shoved his phone back into his jeans hastily and said, “No, no, she’s…I’m going to call her later tonight.”

          Alec treaded carefully. “Is everything alright?” he asked slowly.

          Magnus glanced up at him. He seemed troubled.

          “Yes,” he said, not sounding much like he knew the truth himself. Then he shook himself and said airily, “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to get caught up in relationship drama, but you know how it goes.”

          Alec _didn’t_ know how it went, but he wasn’t about to say that. He pressed his lips together and nodded. The silence stretched, and Alec wasn’t sure how to break it.

          “Sorry,” Magnus said again, wearily. “I interrupted you. What were you saying?”

          Alec could not for the life of him remember what he had been saying.

          “Oh.” Magnus snapped his fingers. “The girl from chemistry. She…she erupted the experiment or something, right?”

          “Uh, no. She almost got…Listen, Magnus, we don’t have to talk about that. It was a stupid story anyway,” he said hurriedly when Magnus looked ready to interrupt him again. “Just—Can we—What’s going on? Is Camille okay?” Was _he_ okay?

          Magnus sighed. “She didn’t say, but I think it’s fine.”

          “Well what did she say to you?” Alec knew he was prying, possibly beyond propriety, but Magnus didn’t seem to be stopping him.

          “To check my mail slot,” he said. When Alec raised his eyebrows, Magnus said, “It’s not what she said, it’s how she said it. I can just tell something’s off.”

          Alec frowned. “Mail slot, huh?” Magnus nodded. Alec sighed, then jerked his chin towards the exit and said resignedly, “You should go.”

          Magnus leaned back, startled. “No. I made plans to be here with you.”

          Alec shook his head.

          “Magnus, just go. It’s clearly really fucking important.” He glanced down at the table and then looked up with a rueful little smile fixed firmly in place on his features. “If it will make you feel better, you can buy me a coffee or six in return. Okay?”

          Magnus got halfway out of his seat, one foot balanced on the floor, his palms flat on the table. He hesitated.

          “ _Go_ ,” Alec said again, sternly as God because if there were two things Alec Lightwood was good at, it was sternness and disaffected distaste, and this situation called for the former.

          Magnus got up for real.

          “I owe you six coffee dates,” he said quickly.

          Alec rolled his eyes. Magnus’s expression melted into something grateful. Then he turned and made a somewhat harried exit.

          A strange emotion overtook him then, as Alec looked out the window and watched Magnus’s hurriedly disappearing back. He rooted around for the cause of it, this mildly unfamiliar emotion. It wasn’t disappointment, or displeasure, or resignation, or disgust. It wasn’t any of his usual emotions at all. It was more like…

          Alec swallowed hard.

          He said simply, “Shit.”

          Then he picked up his phone and texted Izzy.

          Izzy, his sainted twin sister, materialized inside the café just over five minutes later. She looked around with whips of her magnificent hair, then spotted him and hastened over to his table.

          “You’re lucky I was just at the library,” she said in a great outrush of breath. “It’s just a few minutes’ walk away. Weren’t we not supposed to meet for another two hours?”

          Alec arched an eyebrow. “Good to see you, too,” he greeted.

          Izzy rolled her eyes. Then she sat up straight like a thought had occurred to her, and she stretched her arms across the table like she meant to grip Alec’s hands in hers. He did not comply, but that did not stop her from leaning her entire body over the table anyway.

          “So,” she said sharply, “ _what_ is the big Code Red emergency? You texted me SOS, I thought you were dying.”

          Alec gave her a strange look. “Who dies in the middle of the afternoon?”

          Izzy rolled her eyes and heaved a great sigh. At least she leaned back in her seat so she wasn’t prostrating herself in front of him anymore, which had been a little uncomfortable because he had refused to give her his hands to squeeze.

          “Well, _I_ don’t know,” she said crossly. “You _never_ send out SOS texts. It’s usually Jace needing a girl out of his room or me needing a ride because all I’ve got on are heels and stockings. Seriously, it’s weird enough when you _respond_ to the group chat, let alone _initiate_ it.”

          “Well, sorry for freaking you out,” Alec groused.

          Izzy frowned at him. “Don’t get mean,” she snapped. “I’m just wondering what might have prompted your change of heart.”

          Alec worried his lip between his teeth for a moment, rolling it over and over until it agonized a little. Izzy raised her eyebrows.

          “Why are you here, anyway?” she asked, looking around like she was waiting for someone they knew to return from the bathroom and join them or something.

          That was at least an easier—or at least more straightforward—question to answer, and Alec sighed.

          “I had a dinner…thing, with Magnus,” he confessed in a rush.

          To her credit, she didn’t react quite so melodramatically as he had imagined in his head. She still grinned at him in a worryingly sly way and said, “Oh, _did_ you?”

          “Don’t,” he warned.

          Izzy held her hands up in a gesture of innocence. She mimed zipping her mouth shut.

          “So what?” she asked, but it sounded interested, not flippant. “I’m assuming you didn’t call me over to gush.”

          Alec snorted. “Yeah, no. I asked you to come because…well, it’s not just this afternoon, you see…it’s kind of this morning, too…”

          Izzy waited for him to collect his tangled thoughts, because he didn’t really know where to begin. He was grateful when she reached out to grip his wrist in one hand, rubbing her thumb soothingly over the bone.

          “Tell me about this morning,” she said gently, and just like that it was easy to organize the words for it, suddenly, now that Isabelle had bid it. She had that way about her, he supposed; Alec envied it sometimes, not that he would ever tell her.

          He buried his face in his hands so he didn’t have to look at her, and said (both simply and not simply at all), “He got out of the shower.”

          He could hear Izzy pause, could practically hear her brain whirring. Then she said, “Has he…has he not showered before now?”

          And because his sister was not a stupid young woman, he recognized that he was going to have to clarify, because he was clearly not making any sense at all.

          Alec looked up. He felt tired, nearly sagged with age. He shook his head like a very old dog that was only mildly invested in getting the water out of its ears.

          “ _No_ ,” he said. “He…I…He looked really good, okay!”

          He was blushing furiously now, and glaring at a wooden beam in the middle of the beanery. Christ, he was never going to be able to look his sister in the eye _ever again_.

          Izzy was quiet for a long, long while. Alec could not muster the mettle to look up at her for quite some time, but when he finally did, he saw that she was very clearly trying not to laugh. To her credit, she was holding out very well.

          “Just say it,” Alec sighed.

          Izzy held on for two more seconds before she burst out, “You have a _crush_!”

          “Shut up!” Alec returned immediately, which he felt was an appropriately middle school response to a middle school accusation. “He’s just—Look, you see the problem, don’t you? He’s my—” Alec looked around just in case he knew anyone nearby, discerned the area clear, and turned back to his sister before continuing on in a markedly lower voice: “— _roommate_. I can’t be doing this!”

          Izzy waved a hand at him. “Relax,” she said, “you’re not doing anything. Listen to me. He has a girlfriend, doesn’t he?”

          Alec slumped back into his seat. He was aware he sounded a touch petulant when he muttered, “Yes.”

          “So, it’s a non-issue,” said Izzy. When Alec looked up at her with widened eyes, she quickly added, “No— _No_. The girlfriend is a big fat no. I meant your little…shower problem isn’t really a problem, because even if you didn’t find him crazy hot, you wouldn’t do anything anyway! Right?”

          “Right,” he said, albeit with caution.

          Izzy forged on conclusively, “ _So_ , it’s a non-issue. See, it’s not like you have to worry about making the roommate thing weird. He’s taken.”

          Alec took a long minute just to shake his head. Izzy’s face fell minutely.

          “Izzy, that is so beyond not the problem that I don’t understand how you’ve muddled through three relationships.”

          “What?” she demanded.

          “I was never going to _do anything_!” Alec cried, throwing his hands up around his head. “The problem was that I _like_ him!”

          Mercifully, he seemed to have chosen an opportune time to admit it out loud, because Izzy was too involved in the topic now to take a detour to tease him about saying it.

          “But you can’t do anything,” she pointed out. She didn’t seem to understand his point.

          “No,” he agreed.

          Izzy stared at him. “Well, then. Can’t you just…I don’t know, ignore it?”

          Alec stared right back. “What? What the hell are you talking about? That sounds like something Clary would say. Did you talk about this with Clary?”

          “No!” Izzy tossed a sugar packet that had been discarded on the table at him, which hit him in the eye. “God, I don’t go around thinking about your life all the time, you know.”

          “You stick your nose in far enough with me,” he sniped. She glared. He sighed and rubbed at his forehead. “Sorry. That was over the line.”

          Izzy tossed her hair. He considered it an acknowledgement of his apology—possibly an acceptance of it even.

          “That’s okay,” she said in a clipped voice. “You’re tense. I get it.”

          He shook his head. “Sorry,” he said again anyway.

          She was silent for a long moment. He considered that an acceptance of his apology, too.

          “Just…tell me what you want me to say,” she said eventually.

          “I don’t know,” Alec sighed. “I don’t even know why I came to you with this, I guess…I guess I just needed someone to vent to. And I ended up exploding. Sorry.”

          “Stop apologizing,” she said, but kind of soft. Her being nice only made him feel like even more of an asshole. “Look, if you really don’t think you can just ignore it…I know a few good tricks about internalizing your feelings. You know. If you want.”

          She gave him a little smile though, so he knew she was at least halfway joking.

          “Thanks, but I think that award goes to me.” He heaved a great breath. “Shit. I’m gonna have to go back to my room and see him, aren’t I?”

          Izzy shrugged. “You will have to eventually,” she acknowledged. “Better sooner than later, right?”

          They stood and got their stuff together. Alec looked at the ground a lot, because if anything their conversation had sorted out none of his problems and just made him snap at his sister, but then they were both ready to go and Izzy gripped his shoulder bracingly. They looked at one another. Neither said anything.

          Then Izzy crooked him a little smile and said, “Good luck.”

          Alec pulled her into a hug.

 

          The walk back to his dorm was unpleasant, to put it mildly. Anxiety was a clawed creature, scratching at his throat. It was a weight on his shoulder, reminding him all the ways this could go wrong. The worst part was that he wasn’t even aiming for a conversation about any of this with Magnus, he just wanted to act normal, but he still felt like he was going to somehow mess it up.

          The door to their room wasn’t propped open when Alec got back, so he assumed Magnus wasn’t home—he always propped the door open unless he was sleeping, something about needing better air circulation than the crappy dorm air conditioning systems could afford them. Yet when he twisted his key, he found it already unlocked; Alec pressed the door open with some amount of trepidation.

          Magnus was inside, sitting on his bed. For a second, Alec didn’t register the scene properly, and he let the door close behind him with a significant thud. Then he noticed all the ways it was wrong: Magnus, with his head in his hands; a small box opened up beside him; the letter on his other side.

          Alec stepped further into the room carefully. Magnus looked up. His eyes were rimmed red.

          “Are you…Is everything okay?”

          It was a dumb question, but he didn’t know what else to say. At least if Magnus said _yes_ he could make an excuse to leave him alone.

          But Magnus just sniffed, scrubbed a sleeve across his eyes, and composed his expression. Alec politely turned his head away, and when he looked back, Magnus was nearly back to normal. His lips were pressed together, his expression quite blank, but his eyes were still a little bloodshot.

          “Camille broke up with me,” Magnus said. He sounded very matter-of-fact.

          “Oh, no.” Alec immediately dropped to the bed next to him, on top of the letter, but he didn’t care. He draped his arm over Magnus’s shoulder and squeezed. “What happened?”

          Magnus waved a hand around in the air and said, “I guess I saw it coming. She was never too keen on the long-distance thing. And we’ve been teetering towards this edge for _weeks_. Months, really.”

          “But you’re clearly still upset about it,” Alec pointed out.

          Magnus shrugged. “I’m not sure that I am. It’s just…she’s been part of my life for a while now. I think I’m going to miss the comfort of that, more than her. She never…We are very different people.”

          “You love her,” Alec pointed out.

          Magnus was quiet for a long moment. Then he said, slowly, “I think I fell out of love with her a long time ago. She’s…someone I’ll always care about, I suppose. It’s very easy to be with someone that you’ve been with for a long time, but that doesn’t mean you’re still right for each other. You know? Things change.”

          “Mmm,” Alec said, because he didn’t know.

          “I don’t even _want_ to still be with her. I know this is for the best. It’s just…”

          “Hard,” Alec supplied. “Magnus, it’s not a crime to be upset because your girlfriend left you. Even if you don’t love her anymore, and even if you were drifting apart, doesn’t mean that it didn’t mean anything that you were together for all that time. You can still be upset about it.”

          “I feel like I’m doing our relationship a disservice,” Magnus confessed. “We were together so long. I feel as though I should be in mourning or something. But mostly I don’t know what to do now that my future is wide open. We had _plans_. Now what?”

          “You must have had plans before her,” Alec pointed out.

          “I know,” Magnus sighed. “It’s just strange. Knowing she’s not going to be in them now.”

          “Mmm,” Alec said again.

          At this point Magnus was clearly talking more to himself than to Alec, because he ploughed on heedlessly, “It will take me awhile to get over it, of course, but I don’t think…She’s wild, you see. Like a forest fire. It’s not always a good thing.”

          Alec could both see Magnus with someone like that and not at all.

          “You’re different people,” he said with a shrug.

          Magnus nodded slowly. “I suppose we are.”

          They fell silent. After a few minutes, Alec realized he still had his arm around him and hastily withdrew it. The movement seemed to rouse Magnus somewhat, because he shook himself from his thousand-yard stare and got up to start fussing with the items on his bed. Alec stood too, because he was crushing the letter. He went to go check on his phone instead, and start replying to the numerous texts Clary had left him about a poetry slam he had agreed to attend with her the following evening.

          “Alec?” Magnus said.

          Alec turned around. Magnus had folded the letter and put it inside the box, but he was holding a smaller box now, which Alec figured must have come inside the shipping one.

          “Yeah?”

          “Camille sent back this with her letter,” Magnus explained.

          He popped open the box and thrust it out at him, and Alec stepped closer for a better look. Inside rested a beautiful necklace, a little flashy for Alec’s taste, but undeniably gorgeous nevertheless. The chain was simple and silver, but from it hung a ruby the size of a bird’s egg set into an intricate pattern of yet more silver. Alec stared.

          “She sent back _this_?” he repeated. His first instinct would be to pawn it out of spite, but maybe Camille was incredibly rich or something. “Is this real?”

          Magnus nodded. “Yes to both. And since I bought it for our anniversary one year, I neither want it nor want to give it to someone else. I thought…if you had someone you wanted to give it to…”

          Alec blinked at him. Setting aside the fact that he wasn’t interested in women…

          “Magnus,” he said slowly, “That thing costs more than our _car_. I can’t just _take_ it.”

          “Yes you can,” Magnus insisted. “Please, I really don’t want it; you would be doing me a favor. Give it to a pretty girl or something.”

          “We went over this. I don’t like pretty girls.”

          Magnus thrust it at him again. “I’m sure you know someone that would want it. Your mother?”

          “We’re not on the best of terms.”

          “Please,” Magnus said. “I’m honestly begging you right now.”

          Alec stepped closer, but when he reached out, he didn’t take the necklace. He took Magnus’s hand and carefully folded his fingers back over it.

          “Keep it,” he said quietly. “It’s yours and yours alone.”

          Their eye contact held for a long moment. Finally, Magnus sighed and closed his eyes.

          “Alright,” he said. “Alright.”

          Then he looked up at Alec, and Alec gave him a small, earnest crooked smile. Magnus granted him one right back. They stayed like that for a touch too long before releasing one another and stepping back.

          They didn’t speak much the rest of the night, just moved around each other in the room and went about their separate businesses, occasionally murmuring something to one another here or there but mostly keeping to themselves. They shared one last, knowing smile as they tucked themselves in to bed later, right before Magnus shut off the lights. Alec slept peacefully, and dreamt of heroes and warlocks and quests and ruby necklaces.

 

          The next morning, Alec awoke alone in the room. On his desk was the jewelry box with a piece of paper on top of it. It only read:

 

_I held a jewel in my fingers_

_And went to sleep._

_The day was warm, and winds were prosy;_

_I said: “’T will keep.”_

_Beyond my power to deem,—_

_To have a smile for mine each day,_

_How better than a gem!_

_-Emily Dickinson_

_P.S. If nothing else, your sister looks like she enjoys her jewels_

 

 

          That morning, Alec sang in the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note for anyone not brushed up on their dickinson: that's a bastardized mashup of 2 different dickinson poems. magnus is either very good or very bad at his classic poetry.
> 
> as always, find me [here](http://bkinney.tumblr.com/post/144618006125) for updates, babbling, and everything else under the sun :-)


	3. Self-Control 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec still felt as if his heart was beating too fast, ready to burst if he slowed down for a second and got his head out of pace with his pulse. 
> 
> Inside the frat house, the bass was like a drum echoing back to his pounding, pounding blood. Alec couldn’t think, and his ears were rushing—the crowd buffeted him this way, that, and he couldn’t get his footing. He just wanted to get _out_. But out was nothing but some people in jackets, high as kites and huddled near the fire, and he didn’t need that right now. He needed familiarity; he needed someone he knew.
> 
> He needed—Christ, forget it. He was done lying to himself about this: He needed Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been about three million years. i've been juggling about five thousand things - this summer was a veritable mess, and school's been better but only emotionally because life is still crazy. so, just, don't blame me for being six months overdue. or like, totally blame me. but enjoy this chapter anyway.
> 
> xoxo

          One month passed, then two. Before Alec knew it, it was already November. His professors had begun to talk about finals, and Alec had begun to have this nonstop feeling of nausea deep in his stomach every time he thought about exams.

          “Remember in high school,” Alec said immediately upon entering the dorm room one day, throwing himself face-down on his bed and not looking up to see if Magnus thought he was a crazy person or not, partly because he was too burnt out to care for the answer, “when we didn’t even have to think about midterms for another two months? What’s up with that? Why isn’t that how it is now?”

          Magnus sounded perfectly calm when he answered, “Because then you have to remember everything from the whole year for finals. This is much better, if you ask me.”

          “I didn’t ask you,” Alec lied severely. “ _Anyway._ There’s no way I retain all of this regardless.”

          “We just had midterms,” Magnus mused. “And you had two exams, like, last week. Don’t you remember anything you studied for that?”

          “No,” Alec huffed, but mostly just because he was in a bad mood and wanted to be contrary rather than because he actually agreed with anything he was saying. He rolled over onto his stomach and peered over at Magnus across the room. “What are you doing?”

          Magnus glanced up from his laptop, where he was steadily typing away even while he looked up at Alec. He gave a little shrug and went back to whatever he was doing.

          “Making a study guide,” he said absently. “What are _you_ doing? If you’re so worried about finals, shouldn’t you be studying for them or something?”

          “No,” Alec said. He flipped onto his stomach again and buried his head in his pillow. His voice thus came out a little muffled when he added, “I just got out of my third class of the day. I need a break before I think about academics again.”

          “You know, the earlier you start, the less you have to cram for later. Besides, weren’t you just bemoaning how this isn’t high school anymore? You had at least five classes a day in high school.”

          “Six,” said Alec. Then he groaned and pressed his pillow hard into his face, until it covered his ears and mouth sufficiently. “ _Damn it_.”

          Magnus didn’t say anything else, but Alec heard him shuffling around. A second later he heard something being hit, like a tiny clang of plastic, and he lifted his head just enough to assess the new developments that might have occurred. Magnus was sitting cross-legged on his bed again, lit by the faint glow of his computer, but the lights were turned off. Alec took the reprieve of badgering for what it was and laid his head back down, resting it more gently this time. Sleep, when it came, was more welcome than any venting he could verbalize.

          When he woke, the clock on his nightstand was flashing only a little over an hour later. He lifted his head, blinking blearily. Magnus glanced over at the movement, and upon seeing his open eyes, grinned wryly.

          “Good dreams, Sleeping Beauty?”

          “No dreams,” Alec grunted. He rolled out of bed and barely caught his footing on the floor. He did nothing for a minute, just stared at his feet, and then he heaved a great sigh. “And now, we study.”

          Magnus snorted. He began shoving things into his backpack, and for a moment Alec worried that he had somehow disrupted his studying in the few moments he had been awake, but as he stood there and stared, Magnus hefted a strap over his shoulder and hopped out of his bed.

          “Got a study session with some kids from Mundy Hall,” he said. “Clary’s coming, actually.”

          Alec snorted. “Sounds fun.”

          “Oh, I’m sure it will be absolutely titillating,” Magnus said dryly. “See you later.”

          Alec threw up his hand in response. He had turned away to shuffle with his own notebooks, searching for the textbook he needed for his homework, when he heard the door open. It did not close though, and when Alec turned around, Magnus was still standing there.

          “There’s a party in a couple of weeks,” Magnus said offhandedly. “An end-of-the-semester thing. It’s supposed to be a big blowout thing, one last hurrah, you know. You should come, if you want.”

          Alec hesitated. “Who’s throwing it?”

          “Zeta Sig,” said Magnus.

          Alec stared at him. Then at last he cracked a smile and spread his hands, and said, “Okay, I don’t know why I thought I would know the answer to that question.”

          Magnus laughed, a beautiful laugh where he threw his head back and clutched at the strap of his backpack with one hand. When he was done, he looked back at Alec, still grinning widely.

          “You know their house, I think,” he said. “It’s at Downworld.”

          Alec scrunched his nose a bit, though not necessarily in distaste—yet.

          “Is that on North Main?”

          “One street over,” Magnus said. “Think about it, okay? You could use the chance to let off some steam, don’t you think?”

          Alec snorted. Understatement of the year, probably.

          “I’ll think about it,” he said in this voice like he already didn’t think all that much of it, but he knew he would probably change his mind once Izzy got ahold of the idea.

          Magnus was clearly thinking along the same lines, as he then said, “Well, we’ll see what your sister thinks of the idea,” and Alec crumpled up a piece of paper from the notebook he was still holding to toss at his head. Magnus laughed and ducked out of the way.

          “Okay, okay,” he said, backing away, further out into the hallway so that the door closed more and more with his retreating form, “I’ll float the idea by you again in a couple of weeks. Just think it through.”

          “Goodbye, Magnus,” Alec said in a pointed tone.

          Magnus waved his hand in a very flourished goodbye and shut the dorm door with a very final-sounding click.

          Alec tossed the idea around in his head a bit as he climbed up onto his bed and started rifling through the textbook pages he would need to complete the assignment he was working on. He picked up his phone a few times, but put it down every time before he could do anything with it. He really did try to focus on his homework.

          The thing was that he kind of _did_ want to go to that party with Magnus. It wasn’t that he _hated_ parties; he hadn’t been able to sell that line since he had made out with Raphael, because Izzy and Jace were always quick to point out that he did have some fun when he went out sometimes. It was just that he didn’t really like frat parties, because frat boys were not particularly kind to non-frat people, gay people, or other boys, and Alec was the unperfect combination of all three.

          On the other hand, he really wanted to go to that party _with Magnus_.

          “Damn it,” he muttered as he picked up his phone for the fourth time in under twenty minutes.

          Before he could think it through too much, he texted Clary—he didn’t need to give Izzy any more ammunition than she already had against him. He just said that there was an end-of-semester party in a couple of weekends from now, and that he was invited and so were all of them if they wanted to go. He hit send before he could think too much about it and rescind his invitation. Once that was done, he put his phone down and tried to go back to focusing on math.

          Clary was quick to respond though, his phone buzzing back to life after only a few minutes. She just said she would love to go—with a ton of emojis, of course—and that it would be nice to blow off some steam before finals, but Alec would have to keep her updated on proper dress attire and let her know ahead of time if there was a theme. Alec snorted. They kept on a semi-steady string of conversation as Alec went back to his homework and she to what he knew was a study session with some other freshmen, and he was still texting her, about something completely different now, when he finally gave up on exam prep and went to bed a couple of hours later.

 

          The first two weeks of November flew by, much to Alec’s heavily intermingled disappointment and pleasure. On the bright side, final exams would be over soon; but on the downside, final exams would be starting soon. Alec wasn’t sure if he was prepared or not—it was hard to tell when half his classes didn’t give him exam guides or practice questions—but he knew for sure that he was really, really done with studying.

          On the Friday before the last week in November, Magnus came back to the room after his last class, threw his bag on the bed, threw himself on the bed, and said, “I am _so_ ready for that party this weekend. I think I’m going to get so hammered I dance on a table and pass out in the gutter.”

          Alec snorted and looked up from where he was highlighting some of his notes. “Sounds like a very dignified use of your time.”

          “I didn’t say it would be dignified,” Magnus said, sounding almost stung. “I just said I was going to do it.” Then he sniffed a little and paused. Alec shook his head, thinking he was done, but then Magnus pressed, “You are coming this weekend, aren’t you?”

          Alec sighed. “I’m not sure,” he hedged.

          “Oh, come on,” said Magnus. “You’ve been killing yourself studying all this time—you deserve a _break_. We both do. I haven’t had a chance to touch base with Isabelle yet, but I’m sure she’ll be only all too willing to drag you along. If it’s not my function, it will be another. So make it my function, because it will be approximately five hundred times more fun if you come there with me.”

          Alec busied himself with his notes again, debating with himself for a moment, wondering whether to tell him. Then at last he looked up from his papers and admitted, “I told Clary about it, and she’s really excited. So she’ll be there at least.”

          “And Clary told Isabelle,” mused Magnus, looking upwards and moving his index finger around in the air like he was performing a difficult math equation in his head, “and Isabelle told Jace, and they’re all conspiring to get you to come with them.” Magnus looked back at him, spreading his arms as wide as his grin. “Did I get that right?”

          Alec shook his head, but it wasn’t in denial, exactly. Just exasperation—he didn’t know how he felt about Magnus knowing him that well already.

          “You got that right,” he said.

          Magnus punched the air. “I knew it! So you _are_ coming, then?”

          “Maybe.”

          “You wouldn’t have mentioned it to Clary at all if you didn’t want to go,” Magnus said, narrowing his eyes at him. “You don’t fool me, Alec Lightwood. You don’t fool me for one _second_.”

          Alec sighed and continued highlighting his notes. How was he supposed to argue with that?

          Magnus made a happy sound and started rooting around in his backpack. It took Alec a moment, because he was feeling pretty good himself, to realize that he had lost that argument—or whatever it had been, because it didn’t feel like a quarrel. Smiling to himself, he shook his head and went back to studying. He would need to spend all the time he could on it if he was going to be taking time off this weekend.

 

\- - -

 

          Alec had thought that the worst of it would be the party itself. A frat house full of people that, in his mind, were just as extravagantly dressed and done up as Magnus; blaring music; and a pounding headache tomorrow to remind him that he hadn’t gotten any studying done and only had a massive hangover to carry with him out of the night—and Alec was ready to bow out of the whole thing about fifty times before breakfast. Now that Magnus knew he had agreed (on top of Clary and Izzy’s involvement, not to mention Jace, who kept insisting he had to “go out and have fun sometime, brother”) he was faced on all sides by proverbial red tape that might as well have been handcuffs. Although Izzy would have just called him dramatic.

          So, Alec thought the party would be the worst of it. But he hadn’t accounted for the pregame.

          Actually, he hadn’t accounted for the pre-pregame, which was even worse than the thing itself, because he wasn’t even drunk yet and he still had to endure it.

          “Please,” said Magnus, elbow-deep in his bin of makeup and haircare products, “ _please_ let me do something to you for tonight.”

          Alec crossed his arms and shook his head, but as Magnus approached in what he considered a menacing manner, he held his hands out in front of him like he was dodging an attack.

          “ _No_ ,” he said insistently. “Magnus—stop, I’m not letting you do my goddamn makeup. Get off me!”

          “But this color would look _so good_ on you,” he bemoaned. “Alec, look—”

          He actually stepped back, but just so he could grab Alec’s hand and lave whatever brush he was holding over Alec’s skin. When it was dark enough to be seen, he released him, stepped back, and gestured aggressively towards the stain on Alec’s wrist.

          “See?” Magnus said. “See? Wouldn’t that look great on you?”

          Alec squinted at the mark, then at his own face in the mirror. “Where does it even go?”

          Magnus just looked at him. Alec didn’t notice for a long moment, too busy staring between the makeup on his arm and his own reflection in the mirror, trying to puzzle it out for himself. Then he saw Magnus’s stare over his shoulder and he met his eyes in the mirror.

          “Oh my god, you’re being serious,” Magnus murmured. “Look—”

          He went back over to his box and swiped off the brush, then dusted it in a new color and returned to the mirror. He dusted it over his eye, turning the lid there dark purple. Even after months of seeing him do this, Alec was still momentarily jarred by the color. Then he focused on it a little more and saw that, as usual, it looked very good on him. Magnus really had a hand for this kind of thing; he didn’t know why he was still surprised.

          “Oh,” he said simply. “Eyeshadow.”

          Magnus grinned at him. “Yes, Alec,” he said, as though Alec were very slow instead of the problem being something as simple as his inexperience with makeup, “It’s eyeshadow.”

          Alec snorted. “Whatever. I’m still not letting you put that stuff on me.”

          Magnus threw him a disappointed glance. “You’ll change your tune one day.”

          “I really won’t,” said Alec, going back over towards his drawers. At least it meant that the battle was won, for now—or at least stymied. “But hey, if it bothers you so much, I’ll let you help with what I’m wearing.”

          “Can I pick it out?” said Magnus, eying him speculatively.

          Alec shook his head. “I’ll give you veto power _at most_.”

          Magnus sighed like Alec was the sole source of his troubles in the world and spun dramatically away from him.

          There was glitter everywhere by the time Magnus was done putting his makeup on; Alec felt more like he was in the middle of a warzone than his dorm room, if the fight had been between Care Bears and those stickers that middle schoolers put on their notebooks.

          At long last, Magnus turned to Alec in a flourish and said, “Thoughts?”

          Alec snorted. “Our floor is a mosaic,” he said. Magnus gave him a look, and Alec sighed and inspected him more carefully. “It looks as good as usual, Magnus. I don’t know what you want me to say. This isn’t exactly my area of expertise.”

          Magnus’s lower lip jutted out as though Alec was being deliberately difficult, and he said, “It’s not like you haven’t seen me do this for months and months. But fine, I’ll give you a pass for tonight. But be aware, I _will_ teach you the intricacies of makeup and, even if you don’t do it for yourself, you’ll be a master on me.”

          “Your optimism and perseverance never cease to amaze,” Alec said dryly. “Are you ready yet? Jace wants us over in ten to start drinking, and the walk is at least fifteen minutes.”

          “I just need one more minute,” Magnus promised.

          “I’ll grab us something to bring over,” Alec said.

          True to his word that first night, Magnus really did keep a ridiculous amount of booze stashed in his desk. Alec made sure to either pay him fairly or contribute to the supply where he could, and they routinely put handles, fifths, and water bottles that didn’t have water inside of the fridge. Alec grabbed a bottle nearly filled to the top with Smirnoff and waved it at Magnus.

          “Good choice,” Magnus said fervently. “Ready to go?”

          “I just have to grab a jacket.”

          Once they were all dressed and Magnus had locked the door behind them, they set off into the night towards Jace’s building. Everything from the stars above to the trussed-up students around to the quiet thrill that always ran through the campus at night made the evening thrum with possibility. Alec found himself needing to catch his breath and step away from Magnus just a fraction of an inch or two, like they were standing close enough to generate a dangerous amount of friction and it was only a matter of time before their chemistry combusted. Alec swallowed, told himself sternly that it was all in his head, and tried to focus on where they were going.

          “Where’s Angelwood?” Magnus asked at one point. “I know it’s one of the buildings near the ice cream bar.”

          “It’s on the way to the Downworld, actually,” Alec said. He pointed in a vaguely left direction. “That way. Come on, they probably already started and are pissed off that we aren’t there.”

          “That’s flattering,” Magnus said, “but I doubt they care. They’ll make us leave at the same time regardless.”

          “True.”

          They managed to slip into Angelwood behind somebody else with card access to the building. Usually, Jace and the others came over to Alec and Magnus’s place because their room was more centrally located on campus, so despite everything, Magnus had never been to Jace’s room before. Alec led the way up the stairs to the third floor and knocked on room 312; when he heard Izzy call, “Come in!” he pushed open the door.

          “Now the party begins!” Alec said.

          The four of them—Clary, Izzy, and Jace, and Clary’s friend Simon that Alec had only met on a handful of occasions and for whom he did not particularly care—all began to cheer theatrically. Izzy jumped up from where they were all sitting on the floor to sling her arms around Alec’s neck. Her hair was slicked back into two braids, which somehow went well with the tight black dress she was wearing despite how it should have looked more fit for workout training than for partying. Once she let Alec go, Izzy bestowed a warmer but less wild embrace on Magnus and then pulled at his hand until he joined them sitting down. Alec kicked the door shut and sat down, too.

          “What are we playing?” said Magnus.

          Jace handed them cups and Magnus set about making them mixes.

          “Truth or dare,” declared Clary, somewhat ominously in Alec’s opinion. “If you refuse to answer, you drink.”

          Alec and Magnus shared a look; Magnus arched one of his eyebrows. He looked as though he felt, like Alec, torn between intrigue and fear.

          “Let’s play.”

 

          By the time the six of them stumbled into the party later, it was riotous. They had all had quite a few drinks before coming, but Alec was simply not prepared for the abject _situation_ before him.

          The lights were off, and the music was loud enough to be near deafening. The whole party was already trashed, clearly, all screaming and laughing and dancing in the next room. Every single one of Alec’s friends immediately dispersed—Alec saw Izzy, giggling, pulling Simon away by the hand towards the dance floor; Clary disappeared towards the basement, from where Alec could hear more speakers pumping out the same beat as the one in the living room with Izzy; and Jace trailed behind Clary, shrugging at Alec like he didn’t know what else to do. Before he had time to do scantly more than look up, everybody was gone except for him and Magnus, left standing the front entry and looking at one another.

          At last, Alec broke the silence between them. He gestured towards the party, tipping his head towards the living room.

          “This is your terrain,” Alec said. Magnus cracked a smile. “Your move.”

          “I’ll introduce you to some people,” Magnus said.

          It seemed a thoughtless gesture when he grabbed Alec’s hand to pull him deeper into the party, but Alec’s heart jumped into his throat at once. He barely had time to catch his breath, however, before he and Magnus plunged at once into the fray.

          “The trick,” said Magnus, “is to just dive right in and get it over with. Sharks are never so scary once you’re already swimming with them.”

          “I think there’s a very good reason that that’s not a popular adage,” Alec said dryly. “Which one of us is the English major?”

          “Lit history,” Magnus corrected him, a bit of bite to his tone, “with a focus on how pop culture affected literature of the time.”

          “Put that on your résumé and sell it.”

          Magnus cast him a withering look but did not give answer. He did, however, seem to notice just then that he was still holding on to Alec’s hand, because as he began to crane his neck to look around the room, he dropped it with a much higher level of casualness than Alec would ever be able to achieve in his position. Alec simultaneously realized that his heart should not be skipping beats, remembering Magnus’s hand pressed tightly in his, and that it seemed content to do so anyway, logic be damned.

          Magnus seemed to know most of the fraternity. He led Alec through the flashing strobe lights that lined where the walls met the ceiling, deeper into the pack of people dancing there. He thought he saw Izzy and Simon dancing close together at one point, but then they were gone, lost in the general haze of the fray and the alcohol, and onward they went without a thought to spare for what his sister might be getting up to.

          They finally stopped at the edge of the living room, where the party was beginning to spill out into the backyard. Magnus turned to give Alec a significant look.

          “We really did get here late,” Alec said, leaning close to be heard over the music and having to shout regardless.

          A small smile curled Magnus’s lips.

          “It’s barely begun,” he said. He raised his eyebrows and added, in a mysterious undertone, “you just have to know where to look.”

          The backyard was less packed than the rest of the house, but even Alec could see the differences in experience. Here, there were kids spread out everywhere; people hooking up against the cars parked illegally on the lawn; various circles passing around bowls and joints and one, with a hookah dead in the middle of them all; couples laughing and laying back on the lawn to look up at the stars, their expressions glazed-over with way more than vodka; and a bonfire raged near where the lawn sloped into the woods behind it, and people with bottles and cups were talking and laughing and dancing around it like it was their last night of freedom on Earth.

          Alec paused as the door shut behind them, and he looked around, wide-eyed.

          “The slack-jawed awe is a good look on you,” Magnus said casually. “Come on, this is where the actual fraternity brothers hang out. I’ll introduce you.”

          And he did; Alec forgot most of their names as soon as they were mentioned to him, but he caught a few. Alexei, a boy with his hair dyed bright white and piled in a messily styled knot on his head, greeted Alec with a wide, easy grin and pulled him into a hug immediately. Alec didn’t need to get this close to tell he was high; his flannel and easy laughter made that obvious straight away. He seemed to be there with a pretty girl, Maureen, although Alexei swore they were just friends.

          And there were others—Marcel, Nick, Maia, Conrad—Alec soon lost track of them all. There seemed to be an endless line of happy frat brothers, and every single one of them knew Magnus. They all pressed in to hug him, or at least to say hello, and although they then cast curious or intrigued glances in Alec’s direction, none of them seemed remotely hostile. Alec wasn’t sure whether or not that was entirely due to their disposition or the drugs, but he wasn’t complaining about the warm welcome either. One of them pressed drinks into their hands and it was like they were instantly part of the intimacy of this gathering.

          It was less oppressive outside. There were just as many people but infinitely more space to spread out, and Alec found himself unwinding by degrees as he and Magnus stood close to the fire and made small talk with the Downworlders. It was even fun, and he noticed at one point that he wasn’t thinking about the stress from exams at all. Even that thought didn’t send him spiraling into a mess about all the lost hours of studying he was bypassing, either; the night was too sweet, and he turned his racing mind to anything else.

          He lasted over an hour outside before he started to get cold. It was November, after all, even standing as close to the fire as they were; and as much fun as he was having and however much he wanted to try to hide it, he couldn’t help it when his teeth began to chatter. Magnus took notice quickly and made graceful goodbyes to the others before leading Alec inside, one hand on the small of his back. Alec turned to look at him over his shoulder.

          “You didn’t have to leave your friends,” he protested. “Stay and have fun without me.”

          “No, no,” Magnus said, waving his hand at the thought. “I want to spend some time making new friends, too. Come on, let’s get refills while we’re inside.”

          “I’m going to check on the others,” said Alec, casting his gaze around the party absently. He had lost his drink somewhere outside anyway. He didn’t see his family anywhere around, but the party was booming. When he met Magnus’s gaze again, Magnus nodded minutely, and Alec gave a little smile. “I’ll meet you back up here, okay? Grab me something.”

          Magnus squeezed his arm. “Okay.”

          They quickly melted into opposing crowds and were lost.

          Although he had last seen Izzy in the overcrowded living room, he couldn’t see her there now. He was used to being one of the taller ones in any given gathering, but it wasn’t necessarily the case here; he had to push and shove (and, at times, dance) his way through the thick flood of people to make sure he had really checked everywhere, but it was pointless, and he eventually conceded that his twin was no longer upstairs.

          He wasn’t worried, but he did want to see her anyway. It was thus with a deep breath and steeled nerves that he pushed through the throng and descended into the basement.

          Downstairs was, if possible, even more chaotic than upstairs. At this point, Alec was pretty sure that the party was filled with every single member of the fraternity, plus a couple of alumni and a half dozen dates for everybody. It felt that way, anyway, having other people’s sweat on him while he tried to find his barely five foot tall sister and her equally height-challenged friends.

          It was Simon that eventually caught his eye, the only one whose head could actually clear the shorter members of the crowd. Alec pressed his way over and set his hand down firmly on Simon’s shoulder, making him turn. Izzy, at his side, did too.

          “Hey, man!” Simon shouted, and even that was barely enough to register his voice over the thumping bass coming out of the speakers. “Hey, you haven’t seen the others, have you?”

          Alec glanced at Izzy, who was grinning blindingly. She leaned up to yell in his ear: “I lost Clary a half hour ago! Have you seen Magnus?”

          “I just left him upstairs,” Alec called back. “We were outside, he went to grab us more drinks while I found you guys.”

          Izzy nodded seriously. Then said, “Wanna dance?”

          She had barely stopped doing just that for the length of their conversation. Now she was moving with her arms spread out, inviting him to join in, and beside her Simon was laughing. Alec shook his head.

          “I’m gonna go find the others,” he said.

          “Send them down to come dance with us!” said Izzy.

          Alec rolled his eyes but acquiesced with a nod, and he even hugged her back when she threw her arms around his neck again. He and Simon shared a moderately civil head nod with one another, and then Alec, more mollified now, turned and plunged back into the crowd.

          It was harder getting back upstairs than it had been coming down. The trajectory of the partygoers was more focused downwards, but eventually he managed to push his way against the tide and emerge back into the hallway that would lead into the living room. He hadn’t ever thought he would say it, but the air up here actually felt _clean_ as he breathed it in, so much easier to inhale than the oppressively thick humidity of the basement. That was not helped at all by the ridiculously close press of bodies down there, but at least there were a couple windows thrown open up here to help him breathe.

          He saw a few of the people he had met outside as he crossed the living room, and they smiled and waved as he passed. Alec even managed to smile back.

          Clary and Jace weren’t in the living room or down the hall, and he didn’t see Magnus either. Figuring he must be caught up in a line trying to garner drinks, Alec pressed into the kitchen next—only to be met with a very different sight indeed.

          Magnus was not in the kitchen. Who was, however, was Clary: and she was sitting on the counter, her arms wrapped around somebody’s neck, her legs bracketing his waist, her face hidden by his. His face was mostly hidden too, but Alec would have known his profile at the end of the world.

          Jace.

          The world slowed on its axis, drifting dangerously close to a halt. Alec was really glad that he never ended up getting that drink he had been promised, because he was pretty sure he would have dropped it by now and messed up his outfit and the carpeted living room floor.

          It was not, Alec reasoned to himself, that he ever expected that it would be any other way. There was no version of this, he thought, that ended where he and Jace were the ones in the kitchen the way he and Clary were now. There was no ending of this that was what he wanted it to be.

          Alec couldn’t breathe. There was no ending because there was no getting out of this moment, this awful spiraling second that he would be doomed to live in for the rest of his life. This, here. He was stuck.

          Then somebody knocked into his shoulder, hard, and he jolted back to real time with a staggering shift. The world kickstarted back to its normal spinning, and Alec felt like he might throw up from the sudden change in momentum.

          Actually, that might not have been from the earth’s sudden change in heart about its rotational trajectory.

          The person who had bumped into him apologized in a murmur and drifted away. Alec didn’t even see their face, didn’t even know if it was boy or girl, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t look away from the sight on the counter, like some horribly gruesome car wreck that drew his eye even as much as it repulsed him to his core. Actually, he wasn’t entirely sure that that was pure repulsion either.

          Somebody stepped up beside him, and Alec looked over when the boy didn’t move. Alec didn’t know him, but he was holding a drink and he jerked his chin at where Clary and Jace were still wrapped up kissing on the counter.

          “Straight people, right?” the guy said. His voice was thick with revulsion, but he smiled when he looked over at Alec.

          Alec made a strangled sort of noise with his throat.

          “I know,” he said, but it came out more choked than annoyed, and it was precisely then that he realized: “I can’t be here anymore.”

          The boy laughed behind him as Alec spun around and pushed away, away from the kitchen, away from everyone there.

          “Tell me about it!” the boy called.

          Alec’s mind was spinning, spiraling. He had to get out, but there was no _out_. He looked around and around, trying to find some footing, and maybe a space to breathe.

          Then Alec remembered: This was not the end of the world. Somewhere in the swirling confusion and hurt he recognized more pieces of the puzzle that his life was slowly unfolding itself to be. The pain had been stifling for a moment, confusing, but he remembered now that Jace was not the only secret he was hiding from everybody, and not the only secret he was hiding from himself. He just to get to somewhere where it would all be okay. He looked around and around the living room before he remembered. There was one place: The blessed, blissful haven of the bonfire. However cold it was, Alec really needed some fresh air.

          The bonfire was dying slowly, and some of the crowd had filtered away—maybe because of the dropping temperature—but there was still a fair amount of people out there. Most of them were gathered around what remained of the fire, probably trying to keep warm; it was now colder out than even before. Alec spotted Alexei and crossed the yard towards him, tapping his shoulder when he got close. Alexei turned around disdainfully, but his expression split into a grin when he saw it was Alec, and he clapped him heartily on the back.

          “The man, the myth!” he cried jovially. “How’s it going, dude? What’s up?”

          Even just seeing a friendly face—and not one that was sucking another friendly face, that was—was enough to momentarily stymy the ache and whirling strangeness that the night had become. Alec swallowed it down until it was dull, pulsing, enough to ignore if he just tried hard enough. In fact, he ignored it again and again until he managed to wrangle an approximate smile at Alexei’s unwaveringly joyous reception.

          “It’s good,” said Alec.

          “Let me get you something to drink,” said Alexei, scrambling around for something to hand over. A girl Alec recognized from earlier, Maia, passed over a beer. Alexei uncapped it with his back teeth and held it out to Alec. As tempted as he was to just grab it and down it quickly, he resisted. Still, he hesitated for a moment before holding his palm out flat and shaking his head.

          “I’m okay,” he said after a moment. “I just came out here…” He swallowed and looked around, wondering why he had come out here after all. Being surrounded by these people for a second, it was like all things suddenly fell away. Then he remembered, and in a lumbering echo of detached and wild thoughts, Alec added, “…looking for Magnus. Have you seen him around?”

          “He was just here a minute ago,” said Maia, exchanging a glance with a curious girl who looked over to see what was going on. “I think he went back downstairs though. He was looking for you.”

          Alec nodded. Despite the calm veneer he was putting on these people, he still felt as if his heart was beating too fast, ready to burst if he slowed down for a second and got his head out of pace with his pulse.

          “Thanks.”

          He whirled around and swept back inside, chorusing back goodbye when the group around the bonfire called it out to him.

          Inside, the bass was like a drum echoing back to his pounding, pounding blood. He couldn’t think, and his ears were rushing—the crowd buffeted him this way, that, and he couldn’t get his footing, he couldn’t find his way to the basement like he wanted. He just wanted to get _out_. But out was nothing but some people in jackets, high as kites and huddled near the fire, and he didn’t need that right now. He needed familiarity; he needed someone he knew.

          He needed—Christ, forget it. He was done lying to himself about this: He needed Magnus.

          If Alec had disliked the close press of bodies, the inexorable push of the crowd in one direction, the humidity and the noise and the overall drunkenness of downstairs before, the basement was a downright nightmare now. People shoved in all directions, but mostly pushed him onwards towards the more central part of the dancefloor. Alec thought it best to go with the rolling tides. The music and the stomping feet and the strobe lights, even more numerous down here, flashed on and on with his racing heart.

          And then: There he was. Alec felt there might have been a spotlight on him directly for all that it was like Magnus appeared out of the confusion and gloom like a lone angel appearing as the crowd parted especially for him.

          Alec elbowed his way towards him like in a feverish haze, and then abruptly there was nowhere left to go and he stopped, standing there before him like a speechless subject until the king himself turned around and looked up.

          Magnus’s face split into an easy smile, wide and happy.

          “Hey,” he said, nudging Alec’s arm with an elbow. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Want to dance?”

          He nodded his head towards where the speakers were beating, throbbing. Alec did not take his eyes off of Magnus’s face, but he nodded.

          Magnus fell into rhythm so much more easily than Alec ever could; as if on cue, he began swaying his hips from side to side as though he had only been playing at dancing before, and he was just waiting for the approving prompt of Alec’s presence to bring the full scope of his prowess into light. Alec was pretty sure that Magnus was made and born at places like this—tight crowds and flashing lights and the endless pulse of the music driving into everyone’s veins. He shone with it.

          “You’re supposed to be dancing too!” Magnus laughed, stepping closer to shout into his ear.

          Alec pressed his lips together, preparing to shake his head, but when he pulled back enough to look Magnus in the eyes he found that he could not do it. Still, he wasn’t exactly prepared to acquiesce either; Alec was plenty of things, and good at many more, but he wasn’t sure that dancing was any one of them.

          Actually, he was pretty sure: Dancing wasn’t any one of them.

          His surety didn’t account for Magnus though. Without waiting for more protest, Magnus closed the remaining distance between them and touched Alec’s elbow with the hand not otherwise occupied with the bottle of beer he was holding. Slowly, he trailed his hand down Alec’s arm, and Alec’s breath caught—then Magnus clasped their hands together and drew it out until they were engaged in a strange, almost-dance with just their arms and hands.

          “That’s it,” Magnus coaxed. The hand with the beer touched lightly to Alec’s waist; the bottle was sweating, cold through his shirt, and Alec shivered. “Your body now, too.”

          “I don’t,” Alec protested, shaking his head. “I don’t dance.”

          “You can,” Magnus promised. “It’s not the same thing. Come on, I’m leading. Just follow what I’m doing.”

          It was easier with guidance. With one hand on Alec’s hip, Magnus rocked their bodies back and forth until it was almost like Alec was adjusting properly to the rhythm. There was an inch of space between them still, but closing every second, and Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe. The sensation didn’t let up, suffocating and suffocating him until he realized that he would give anything to never have to come up for air.

          They were barely a centimeter apart now. Their thighs and chests and everything else bumped against each other as they undulated beneath the flashing strobes and the music flooding into and into their blood. As if it was itself an ocean, Alec wanted to dive entirely under this moment and never come up. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Magnus’s, and every once in awhile Magnus would drag his gaze all over Alec’s face before finally reaching his eyes again, lingering first near his lips—but Alec wasn’t sure if he was just projecting, now, under all the influences of jealousy and want and alcohol and this beat to which they were endlessly dancing.

          There was no mistaking their closeness now. Alec wasn’t sure how many songs had passed since he had first set foot on this dance floor, given himself up to this moment. But Magnus’s hips were pressing sure and solid against his, and he was giving back every single thing that he took. He felt like he was gasping; he felt like he was drowning.

          Magnus’s free hand unweaved itself from Alec’s and curved instead around Alec’s ribs. He leaned back and tipped the beer bottle into his mouth, and every second of it caught Alec’s eye. It was like time itself slowed down for Alec’s liking, a moment of reprieve in the whirlwind of his last few months, a hurricane that looked like the sweat running down the curve of Magnus’s neck, like the reds and blues and greens of the strobe light playing off the angles of his face, like the way his lips curved around the mouth of the bottle, like the dip and gulp of his throat as he swallowed. Alec’s mouth felt dry. He didn’t know what he wanted.

          And then he did: Magnus handed him the bottle as soon he was done tipping it into his own mouth, and Alec took it and swallowed greedily. He could feel Magnus’s gaze on him as he did so, and even more than that he could feel the arm that Magnus curved around his waist, drawing them even closer together than they already were. The fingers of his other hand brushed light and teasing along his ribs, up and down, barely there. Alec finished his share of the beer and let out a great exhale with it.

          Their eyes met. Wordlessly, Magnus took back the bottle. Alec couldn’t look away from him, and Magnus seemed inexorably tethered by the same invisible thread that kept them together—there where their gazes met, and there at their chests, and there at their waists. If Alec had been short on air before, it was nothing to how he felt now—squeezed right where his lungs should be, and everything narrowed down to those pinpoints where Magnus held all of his attention, and he held all of Magnus’s.

          There was nothing but the sway of their bodies together in time with the music. It was bad music too, whatever usual fraternity pop to which Alec barely knew the words, ever. Yet that was enough to get him to move with Magnus, and for Magnus to move with him.

          As they danced, they pressed closer and closer, endlessly dragging their fingernails across each other’s skin, and now that it had started it wouldn’t stop. Magnus raked his nails beneath Alec’s shirt, right at his waistline. Alec’s hand drifted up to drag messily through Magnus’s hair, the other clutching so high on his thigh it might as well not have been there at all. Their faces tilted closer, and closer, and closer still. And then—all the air rushed out of the room. Magnus’s mouth was tilted so close to his.

          Alec didn’t know who made the first move. Maybe it was Magnus, or himself, or maybe neither or both—he just knew that one second he was drowning in whatever they had been hurtling towards all this time, and the next Magnus was kissing him with all the ferocity that Alec had been endlessly waiting for, without knowing he was waiting for quite that.

          The room was spinning again, but in such a nicer way than before. It wasn’t slow, but it was intense. Reality sputtered down to this: Magnus’s teeth on his lip, his tongue hot on Alec’s tongue, his hands touching Alec what felt like every single part of his body. Alec clutched and clutched at Magnus’s back and prayed it would never end.

          They were still dancing, too, but after awhile Alec noticed that they had drifted closer to the edge of the crowd, his own back to the open space. Without putting too much thought into it, Alec took Magnus by the shoulders and spun them around fast, pressing Magnus against the concrete wall of the basement and crushing his body to his, and he swooped his face close again. They paused a moment before their lips met, gazes catching. They each let out a breathless laugh before Magnus’s fingers curled into Alec’s hair and they were kissing again, and the world was narrowed back down again to none of Alec’s senses except for touch. Sight and taste and everything else was all well and good, but nothing mattered now except the movement of them together and everywhere that Magnus’s body aligned with his.

          They stood against that wall together for hours that felt like days. Alec would have been content for the whole night to have continued just like that, and for them to have leaned there until they fell asleep clutching at each other still, but after a time Magnus nudged at his shoulder. Alec’s lips curled into a tiny smile, and he brushed another and another kiss to his mouth before finally leaning back, and opening his eyes.

          “The last sober rides are leaving,” Magnus whispered, twisting his hands into Alec’s shirt even as he said it. “We should go.”

          Alec could feel the way his every faculty struggled to formulate a protest, yet he knew before he even tried that Magnus was right; they would have to walk home if they stayed much later, and it would almost certainly be a cold and sobering walk back to their room. Even if not literally, then at least on the mood.

          “Alright,” Alec sighed.

          Still, Magnus slipped his hand into Alec’s and squeezed, and it was with a heart lighter than it could have been that Alec led the way out of the basement and away from the Downworld.

          It was difficult for them to flag down a ride. The few that were still lingering were either full or nearly full, or else otherwise about to be commandeered by the girls hanging around the lawn, flirting with the drivers. As Alec was ready to give up, Magnus managed to convince a couple in one of the cars to sit on each other’s lap, and he and Alec squeezed into the remaining seat, half on top of each other. Alec didn’t entirely mind.

          The drive was longer than it had to be; as the last to pile into the car, they were also the last to get dropped off. After nearly fifteen minutes, they handed over a couple of singles for the service and climbed out of the car together. The night was sticky with that feeling of almost-rain, and as they walked from the street back to their dorm, Alec wanted to reach out for Magnus’s hand again, but he was not sure it would be welcome at this juncture. The time very well may have passed.

          Magnus didn’t seem to necessarily agree. He shut their bedroom door and, without even bothering to turn on the lights, spun around with all his usual flare—but unlike usual, he touched the sides of Alec’s face with his hands and leaned up to press another kiss to his mouth, like they could resume what had begun in the basement right here.

          For a moment it seemed like they could: Alec was led backwards towards his bed and leaned against it, meanwhile forgetting all the thoughts that had plagued him on the sober drive. Here it was easy for his legs to lounge open, for him to close his fists and crumble Magnus’s shirt in his hands right up around his ribs so it rucked up a little bit around his hips. It was easy to forget that there was anything other than this moment, than Magnus’s lips on his.

          But there was. There was this, too: Time at its usual pace, and the world rotating in the sky, and the basement that had been their pocket out of reality so far away from them now.

          Alec eased his mouth away from Magnus’s, feeling like Sisyphus stepping on the hot earth of the Underworld and trying so hard to push a boulder up a hill that did not want to budge. He pressed his forehead to Magnus’s and did not open his eyes for a moment—but when he did, he saw that his regret was not reflected back at him. Instead, Magnus smiled understandingly.

          Neither said anything for a moment. Magnus stroked the back of his hand against Alec’s cheek and let him wrangle in the thoughts in his head that had so unraveled while he had let himself get lost in time and space and that strobe light basement.

          “I like you a lot,” Alec whispered.

          Magnus shushed him gently. “I understand.”

          “No, you don’t,” Alec insisted. He pulled back a little more, the magic breaking more and more the further he strained the tether between them. “I do want to do this. I do.”

          “But not tonight,” Magnus said ruefully.

          Alec shook his head. He so wanted to give a different answer.

          “Not tonight,” he echoed. “It shouldn’t be like this. Drunk and sweating in some frat boys’ basement, then going home and…”

          It seemed he needed no ending, for which he was grateful, because none wanted to come to his tongue. Magnus chuckled, shaking his head too. It didn’t seem to be in disagreement any more than Alec’s own shaking had been.

          “I suppose not,” Magnus sighed. “That’s probably for the best, anyway.”

          The urgency and strangeness had faded mostly from the night. Things felt almost normal as they parted more permanently, the tether breaking cleanly in two, as they drew away to make their separate routines for bed. Magnus opted for a shower, but Alec’s bones weighed heavily and he wanted nothing more than to lay down in his bed and sleep until long after the first sunrays touched the edges of the horizon through their bedroom window. Still, it took him long enough to ready himself properly for bed that Magnus had time to shower and reappear, but it seemed they had nothing more to say to each other.

          The silence wasn’t exactly uncomfortable; Alec wasn’t looking for anything in particular. It was just as though the magic had faded away from his snowglobe night and the world seemed almost dull in its steady mundaneness, and Alec didn’t quite know how to shake it again and make the fake snow flutter down to earth. Things were so normal that it seemed quite the opposite; but in its normality, Alec didn’t know quite what to say.

          That is, it was normal except for this: Them getting ready for bed in silence, under the darkness since they had never bothered to turn on the light. And then, right before Alec turned to climb into bed and nestle under the covers, he shifted around and Magnus was right there. They looked at each other for a long time. The intenseness of not even an hour before raised its head under the thick blanket from under which normality had stifled it.

          Deliberately, without ever breaking eye contact, Magnus took Alec’s hand and raised it to his lips. He pressed a light kiss there, and then as softly as the moon, he whispered, “Goodnight, Alexander.”

          He turned and climbed into his own bed, his back a curve facing right at Alec. Alec stood in that same spot numbly for a moment before mechanically turning around and getting into bed himself.

          He lay still for a long time before turning to stare up at the ceiling. If he peered into the darkness long and hard enough, he could almost make out the outlines of stars where his vision grew blurry. The night wanted to encroach in on the safe space of their dorm room, and Alec wanted to let it.

          He rolled over onto his side to face the wall. Then, abruptly, he turned the other way. Across the room, the steady rise and fall of Magnus’s shoulders signaled that he was already asleep. With a great sigh, Alec closed his eyes. But he couldn’t sleep without letting the night in just a little bit, opening the window of fate just barely when the stars tapped on the glass.

          He whispered back, “Goodnight, Magnus.”

          Whatever the sunshine brought, it would have to wait until morning—the muddle of the night closed in on him then, and Alec was swept off to sleep without a further thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [catch me on tumblr, whenever](http://freyias.tumblr.com/post/151884537600)

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on [tumblr](http://bkinney.tumblr.com/) for updates and shitposts xox


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